Monday Monday

I am tired tonight. Tired, but happy. Not from writing, though. From querying and sending out scripts. Today I did a big e-mail blitz and while not everyone responded with "yes", enough did to make it a good day in McIlvaine Land.

I would love to have a good manager or agent do this. Really. All this marketing crapola keeps me from doing what I love best: write. And wouldn't you know, in between all this madness, I came up with a script idea (thank you, John Fogarty) that I think has great possibilities, or as in speakese, "excellent franchise potential" and "cross multiple platforms."

In other words, make lots of moolah for me and my heirs. Now I just have to find the time, and energy, to write it.

RIP George Carlin

June Follies

I been really busy, folks. Did two interviews, writing, rewriting, reading scripts, querying, and all the other stuff that passes for life.

My interview with TJ Lynch is at www.pitchfest.com, look under Newsletters. Sometime next week my interview with Blake Snyder (Save the Cat) will be posted as well. Both super nice guys.

Other than that, still here, if anyone gives a shit.

Love sunflowers. Have done a lot of planting in my garden. No wonder my back hurts!

RIP Sydney Pollack

Sad, sad news.

Unforgiveable

I don't often get on my political soapbox, but recent events have forced me to.

Let me be blunt: initially, I supported Hillary Clinton in her Presidential quest. However, in this long and bitter campaign, she lost my vote a long time ago. Now, after her remarks regarding RFK and his awful death, it only reinforces my decision.

I have tried, for the life of me, to understand why she would say such a thing. I just don't. And her "non-apology" is even worse.

Don't get me started on RFK. I loved him. I will never forget the day he died. My beloved grandmother was inconsolable. She loved RFK and the Kennedy family just as much as I did.

For Hillary to even think such a thing, that's bad enough.

But to say it.

I wish she would resign as my Senator and just quietly go away. I love the Big Dog, he was a great President, and while the thought of him being the First Man is delicious, this recent "gaffe" is too, too much.

My mother said it best: Hillary has dug her own grave. Now let her lie in it.

That Magic Moment

Mother's Day seems an eternity. Between writing, querying, life, kids, and all that other crap, I barely know which end is up.

And then it all comes into focus today. What I'm doing, or trying to do. And who I'm doing it for.

No, not the last super delegate telling me who's they're going to vote for.

I have a great phone conversation with a producer. I wasn't PJ the Mommy, I was PJ the writer of that great Showtime movie. We connected. And for twenty minutes I was firing on all cylinders, pitching, ducking and weaving, giving it my best shot, and them giving it right back to me in a positive way.

And the best part of it, the kids were home. All three of them, a rare treat, with boyfriends in tow, a rowdy group, and they started cooking diner. I come out of the office and they can tell by the way I'm dancing that it was a good phone gab. No, not just good, it was fantastic. And even if nothing comes of it, for that time, my time, it felt wonderful. It felt normal. It felt like this is what it's supposed to be.

Just me...PJ.

Mother's Day

I was talking with a friend and yes, the subject of kids came up. I have a very strong maternal instinct. I love my kids, I would die for my kids, I would take a bullet for them in a heartbeat. There is nothing I would not do for them. And I think they pretty well know it.

So yeah, I guess that makes me a Mother. And proud of it!

More Musings From The Front Lines

As I market my latest spec, it came to me that I'm not just shilling a script. In a very real sense, I'm shilling myself. My voice, my words, my tone, my dreams, my creativity, my imagination, my soul, me, me, me.

It's a hard thing to accept that people may just not be interested in...me, me, me.
So why do I put myself through this agony time and time again? Am I sadist? Lord knows, I've been shit canned to the curb so many times that you'd think by now I'd be gun shy.

But no, I'm pimping myself like a ho in the hood. This is the part I hate. I really do. I don't relish this at all. Yet I remain ever optimistic that my knight in shining armor will come galloping up (or maybe drive up in his shiny foreign car).

I can't imagine doing anything else. I can't imagine not doing this. So I guess I'm stuck like a rat in a maze.

Hope springs eternal. Like kittens, puppies and fools.

More of The Man

How could you not love him? C'mon, I dare you! Look at that face, especially in the last photo. Those dancing eyes. Oh, what a tease! You know what he's thinking of. Hell, you know what I'm thinking of.

He makes me want to go on a two week bender...and I ain't talking about no lost weekend.

The Hills Have Eyes? Nah. Ted Levine has eyes. And balls. Cue piss and swagger music.

CHERRY PICKING

Well, I've really gone off the deep end. Sweet lil ole me has written a very naughty sex comedy involving virgins, eggs, Poison Ivy and ugly chicks.

My kids read it and were simply agog. First, that I had written it. Second, that I had written it, their Mommy. Third, that I didn't pussy foot around and went for the jugular. You can't have a sex comedy without the sex or the comedy.

My hubby read the first five pages and ran screaming into the night.

But you know what? My kids loved it! This was no BS---Adrienne and Stephanie really loved it. They loved the virgins. They loved that the parents are as screwed up as the teens. And everyone loved "Cousin Toofy", who really should be called Cousin Goofy. As Stephanie put it, every time he popped up, she knew he was going to be an ass.

My kids are used to me and my scripts, but this threw them for a loop. Hey, Soccer Moms can be dirty!

Same Old Same Old

I'm at the point in my new relationship where I get that feeling in my stomach, the one where I feel kinda sick and unsure.

Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right track? Yes, it felt good at the beginning.

It was passion, lust and obsession rolled into one package.

And then, in the morning, once I wake up and stare at myself in the mirror, hair tousled, bags under my eyes, worn, haggard...I can't help but wonder what I'm doing to myself in the name of love.

You know what I'm talking about...the part in a new script, the mid-point, where I wonder what the hell I'm doing.

Most of the time I push my doubts aside and shove ahead, acting on blind faith. Most of the time, it works. But sometimes...it doesn't.

You'd think after all this time, it would get easier.

It doesn't.

This Is Getting To Be Insane

I did it again.

No, not that.

Here I am, steeped in my drama mode, thinking of very serious and weighty things...and a crazy little idea for a raunchy teen sex comedy popped into my head. I mean, this is REALLY funny...and so far everyone I've pitched the concept to gets it and predicts that on the title alone, it should sell.

But do I really want to write a rowdy sex romp? I mean, I guess I could ask my kids for help--I bet they could give me the lowdown on what passes for a "hook-up" these days...yet I don't want to start it only to fizzle out after the first act because I don't feel passionate about it.

Ah, what to do, what to do...

The Man

There I Go Again

I'm out taking my daily walk, cane (big wood stick) in hand, feeling like Gandalf, breathing in the fresh air, listening to the birds sing, and it happened again.

I came up with an idea for a script...which is getting to be a very bad habit.

I have more ideas than I know what to do with, and more scripts in different stages than I know what to do with, and this year I've been going full tilt boogie.

Anyway, the title HARDSCRABBLE popped into my head, then I got an image of a woman being abused by her husband. Of course, it didn't stop there. Within minutes I had filled in the back story, characters, plot and all the other good stuff.

Apart from enjoying the script format, I like it because I can do it quickly, versus a book which can take longer (the last book I attempted took me two and a half years to complete. It needed a rewrite, I got hooked on screenwriting, and I never went back to it).

Yes, eventually I'd like to get back to novels, but when? And for which project? This one? How will I know?

Damn, sometimes I hate being a writer.

What Have You Done Lately?

Since January 1st, I've conceived, written and completed:

BOBBY VALENTI, drama suspense-thriller

HEAVEN SENT, family fantasy/comedy

A MONK eppy (two parter, in fact)

Four different rewrites on JOSHUA'S CAR, family in crisis domestic drama

A rewrite on POLO, family friendly shaggy dog comedy

About a half-dozen pages on GINGERBREAD U, a Christmas comedy

Roughly twenty or so pages on THE PRINZE AND THE HOOD, a teen musical comedy

Blogs for Rouge Wave

Columns for MovieBytes

Notes for The Script Department

Sent out queries

In March I was knocked off my feet by the mother of all flu bugs so I kinda feel like a laggard. Ahem.

And it's only April. April!

So when I hear of a screenwriter who's been working on his opus for the past ten years, I wonder...what the fuck is wrong with me?

Works For Me

"A child was told to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing
and brought tears to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for granted that
children understand what we are teaching??? Through the eyes of a child.

Children's Bible in a Nutshell


In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God,
darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think
He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and
someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam
and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been
invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were
driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though,
because they didn't have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his
brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off,
except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his
kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some
animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would
have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his
brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot
roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston.
Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after
God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice,
lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.

Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include don't lie, cheat,
smoke, dance, or co vet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one
more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use
spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot.
He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My
teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was
Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed upon the shore. There
were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about
them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New
Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a
barn, t oo, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you
born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and
the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas
Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some
Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial
before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his
hands instead.

Any way's, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up
to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold
in the book of Revolution."

I Love New York (And Kristen)

God, another day, another scandal.

Actually, I'm sad that our beloved Gov had to resign without revealing all the sordid details of his trysts. The hell with the bank account transfers, we just want to know what he got for $5500 an hour. My God, was her vava made of gold? I mean, come on, one pussy is just as good as the next, non? Talk about blowing your wad!

$80K to bang high class whores? Guess Spitzer couldn't handle the pressure hooker. And it had to be a married, moralizing, crusading Democrat! Maybe he and Larry Craig should form a club for politicos who had to resign in shame and disgrace. Oh, silly me, Craig didn't resign!

No doubt the next stop for Spitz on his "atonement" tour will be a reality show on MTV. Maybe "The Governor Who Couldn't Shoot Straight"?

Spray The Lysol

Dead...Woman...Walking

Am slowly coming back to life after being felled by the mother of all flu's. I was fine over the weekend, but then my better half started hacking early Sunday morning. By Sunday afternoon he had the shakes and crashed after drinking up most of the Nyquil. I escaped to another bedroom, but not soon enough.

Monday I felt a tad queasy but still okay. Tuesday started off okay and then it went downhill. My fever spiked at 102.6 and I began babbling about my life insurance policy.

Reminder to myself when I have a high fever and am delirious: never watch "Spellbound". In fact, never watch it again.

Now the fever is gone, but this grippe has settled in my chest and I sound like Maude.

In other words....dead...woman...walking.

Idle Hands of March

The big snowstorm on Friday was a bust, still haven't heard back from any producers, and I'm still looking for inspiration on a particular project.

On another note, speaking of notes, I'm delighted to say that I'm now affiliated with www.thescriptdepartment.com

So it goes without saying, if you happen to be in the market for professional script anaylsis, check out Julie Gray and the great people at SD. My e-mail addy there is
pj@thescriptdepartment.com


Now I'm gonna put on some bagpipe music, stoke up the fire, and dream.

The Neck Belly Reels - Sharon Shannon

Bliss on earth.

Sharon Shannon

Another amazing musician.