Nyquil, Anyone?

Well, it finally got me. I held out as long as I could, but in the end, it got me.

Since December, my home and workplace has resembled General Hospital. First, Stephanie and Heather were felled by an awful stomach flu, then Adrienne got it the same night Heather was rushed to the hospital with acute appendicitis. Then Adrienne got this sinus infection that won't quit.

At work it was no better, a breeding ground for germs and bacteria. The flu, stomach virus, gripped, cold, kidney stones, you name it. Everyone around me was hacking, coughing, braying, barely breathing, but still coming to work to spread their infections. While everyone was crumbling around me, I managed to stay strong.

Then Tim (Heather's live-in boyfriend), got a nasty, monster cold, which he soon passed on to Heather. Heather gave it to my mother, who then, generously, shared the wealth with me, and for the past three days I've been a walking zombie.

I tried to doll myself up for the Oscars, I really did, as I didn't want to disappoint my legion of fans, but I just couldn't put on enough make-up to mask my ghastly pallor. So I sent Hilary Swank in my stead.

While I coughed, sneezed and wheezed, I managed to stay up until the bitter end. While Chris Rock got in a few zingers, I thought the show was dull and plodding. Beyonce was beyond awful. She mangled the French song so badly that the French are now demanding the return of the Statue of Liberty. I was overjoyed that the Spanish song won, even though Antonio looked like a wet oil rag. And just what in the hell has Melanie Griffith done to herself?

I wanted Glamour, and all I got was Scarlet, a cadaver in black. Where were all the old time stars? Elizabeth Taylor, Lauren Bacall, Paul Newman, Jack Nicholson? Maybe they were home in bed, reaching for the Kleenex.

Thank God Charlize changed her hairdo/color. She must have gotten a look at herself from the Golden Globes.

Does Star Jones have it written into her contract that she can only be shown from one profile? I swear, every time she greeted a "star", she made sure never to change her position. Who does she think she is, Barrymore? And boy, was I impressed by how she got in a plug for her Payless sandals.

In other developments, I guess no news is good news. I'm plugging away on my new spec MADAM MOM, and still biting my fingernails over THERE GOES THE MOTHERHOOD.

Say, Hilary, now that we're such great pals, boy, do I have a role for you...

Full House

So we survived the weekend, only to have snowstorm blanket the area on Monday (a nuisance more than anything else). A good time was had by all if one judges by the amount of chocolate chip cookies I made.

Tim and Nick and Adrienne and Heather went out to a local club that was hosting a "circus night" (this place also boasts a mechanical bull), and they got free drinks for an hour. Also, Stephanie got her belly button pierced, and my Mother announced that she's going to get a tattoo when she has some extra money. It could be worse, at least she doesn't want her tongue pierced.

TGIF

It's been a looooong week. But it's sunny out (albeit) cold, and tomorrow Adrienne and Nick are coming for the weekend. YAY! So we'll have a full house. And Monday is Stephanie's birthday, so this means that I have to take her to the local tattoo parlor and get her belly button pierced (this was a compromise. Better than a tongue ring or an eyebrow piercing).

Work wise, I finished my polish of THE ORACLE OF ORCHARD STREET, but before I send it off into the cruel world, I'm waiting for feedback from my trusted inner circle.

Still no word on THERE GOES THE MOTHERHOOD....has it fallen into some Hollywood black hole? Maybe the script isn't as good as I thought it was.

Whew!

Been as busy as a three armed bandit. Got the pitch agreement from the production company and now they want a logline and synopsis for the romantic comedy, which meant that I had to go back and re-read the script to refresh my memory. God, it does have some really funny lines which I'd forgotten about.

"If you showed any more cleaveage, you'd have to carry your boobs on a silver platter."

"Being handcuffed makes me famished."

"I choked on a hot dog at Yankee Stadium."

"This is a wedding, not a Memorial Day parade."

In other news, I sent MOTHERHOOD off on a wing and a prayer and once I get the synop done, want to get back to refreshing my other rom com THE ORACLE OF ORCHARD STREET. Today I also thought of another killer high concept comedy (three in fact) but I ain't gonna tell ya cos as Larry Brody of TV Writer.com warns, "there are thieves among us."

I'm overjoyed that Bush's Faith Based Magical Mystery Social Insecurity Tour is going down in flames and that his approval ratings are slip sliding away, down, down, down.

Heather dyed her hair caramel brown (looks good, it brings out the blue in her baby blues). As my own Valentine's Day present to myself, I went to the hair salon and got a new do (my mother doesn't like it, she wants it short and I want it long) and I made brownies. I'm just a regular Wonder Woman.

And Adrienne, if you read this, meow meow.

Some Good News For A Change

On the career front, a prodco wants to pitch my romantic comedy FRENCH TWIST to the Oxygen network (Oprah). I also have another rom-com, THE ORACLE OF ORCHARD STREET, that they've agreed to read.

And my e-mail campaign (thanks Steve) has garnered several nibbles on THERE GOES THE MOTHERHOOD. Course, there were some fools who failed to recognize my brilliance and didn't bother to reply at all. Shame on them!

Heather has an interview for a "Beauty Advisor" at Macy's tomorrow. Since she spends a small fortune on cosmetics, this should be interesting.

There is also what I hope will turn out be a vile and vicious rumour going around that my beloved Austin gets the boot from Project Runway this week (gnashing of teeth, pulling of hair).

Super Nothing

Hated the pre-pre-pre-game festivies (Kelly Clarkson sucked, John Fogery rocked), and I REALLY dislike how the NFL turns the game into a crass, flag waving super show.

I'm rooting for the Patriots due to Adrienne being in Boston, but they haven't played very well. Neither has the Eagles.

In other news, Heather is leaning towards taking a leave of absence (which is prolly not a bad idea since she's so undecided on what she wants to do), and I made great strides on my new spec AND I shot off two killer script ideas to Robert Kosberg, the self-proclaimed King of Pitches. Let's see if he bites.

My Life Is A Reality Show

Daughter #2 (Heather) finally has the money to buy her college textbooks but now she's not sure if she wants to go or take a leave for the semester. This is her third college and she changes her major like underwear. I know one day she'll figure it out, but by then my mind will be a drooling mess.

I'm working on several scripts right now but am going to put pedal to the metal on my WEDDING script since the logline garnered a legit bite this week. I always do that, open my big fat yap before the script is finished (I'm on page 64).

We Love Austin on Project Runway

Stephanie and I are hooked on Project Runway on Bravo. We love Austin, he's the cutest thing in an ascot we've ever seen. He should win every week (we're not counting that horrid wedding dress fiasco).

Heidi Klum is certainly a beautiful woman, but personality wise, she comes off as dull as clay (maybe that's why she's a great model).

We knew early on that Austin, Jay and Kari were going to be the designers to beat. However it turns out, they're going to have wonderful careers.

However, Wendy should have gotten the boot last night, not Robert!!

American Idol Beats American Idiot!

Between the idiot and the idol, the idiot lost. More people watched Simon Cowell than The Chimp. As one co-worker commented today, "Just WHO exactly voted for Bush in November?" Seems like a long time ago.......

Grow Some Backbone, Will Ya?

This has been a rotten day. My daughter's car didn't pass inspection, I don't have the money to buy her college textbooks (she's already missed the first two weeks because she had minor surgery) and if I don't have the money for her books then I certainly don't have the money to get her car up to speed AND on top of all this crapola, my agent is too busy with his other clients to give me the time of day AND it appears that Torture Boy is on his way to confirmation as Attorney General.

When will Democrats stop pussy footing around and realize that if they don't develop some SPINE they're doomed to be a minority party for quite awhile? Any Democrat that votes for Gitmo Guy should be fed to the gators.

Showtime is Showing My Movie Again!

Showtime Showcase
Mar 4
6:35 AM

Showtime Showcase
Mar 8
2:05 PM

Showtime Showcase
Mar 8
4:30 AM

Showtime Showcase
Mar 12
9:35 AM

Showtime Showcase
Mar 20
1:15 PM

All times ET/PT

MY HORRIBLE YEAR

"Nik Faulkner (Allison Mack) is a suburban teen having the worst year of her life. Her braces are about to come off, she's got an embarrassing crush on a classmate who doesn't seem to reciprocate her feelings, and she's afraid that she'll soon get the news that her parents (Karen Allen and Brian Heighton) will be divorcing. Only her love of pro wrestler Bret "The Hitman" Hart is keeping Nik from losing it in this charming family drama costarring Eric Stoltz, Mimi Rogers, Caterina Scorsone and Daniel Petronijevic."

And would you believe that the Chimp makes a cameo appearance? I kid you not!!!

B.B.

In the year 2000 B.B. (Before Bush), I had real, tangible proof that after years of hard work, my hopes and dreams were coming true.

My movie was in production, we had just moved into our dream house, and my husband was making good money doing he job he loved with all his heart.

I was working part time and devoting all my energy to my writing, from scripts to my political rantings on sites like Buzz Flash under the nom de plume of The Lone Wolf.

Then the Chimp was selected as the Commander N' Thief and everything went to hell in a handbasket. My husband got a bonus in December and the boot in May when the stock market tanked, and things got even worse after 9/11. In short order we went from just making it middle class to working poor.

It's all going in the script!