More Musings From The Front Lines

As I market my latest spec, it came to me that I'm not just shilling a script. In a very real sense, I'm shilling myself. My voice, my words, my tone, my dreams, my creativity, my imagination, my soul, me, me, me.

It's a hard thing to accept that people may just not be interested in...me, me, me.
So why do I put myself through this agony time and time again? Am I sadist? Lord knows, I've been shit canned to the curb so many times that you'd think by now I'd be gun shy.

But no, I'm pimping myself like a ho in the hood. This is the part I hate. I really do. I don't relish this at all. Yet I remain ever optimistic that my knight in shining armor will come galloping up (or maybe drive up in his shiny foreign car).

I can't imagine doing anything else. I can't imagine not doing this. So I guess I'm stuck like a rat in a maze.

Hope springs eternal. Like kittens, puppies and fools.

More of The Man

How could you not love him? C'mon, I dare you! Look at that face, especially in the last photo. Those dancing eyes. Oh, what a tease! You know what he's thinking of. Hell, you know what I'm thinking of.

He makes me want to go on a two week bender...and I ain't talking about no lost weekend.

The Hills Have Eyes? Nah. Ted Levine has eyes. And balls. Cue piss and swagger music.

CHERRY PICKING

Well, I've really gone off the deep end. Sweet lil ole me has written a very naughty sex comedy involving virgins, eggs, Poison Ivy and ugly chicks.

My kids read it and were simply agog. First, that I had written it. Second, that I had written it, their Mommy. Third, that I didn't pussy foot around and went for the jugular. You can't have a sex comedy without the sex or the comedy.

My hubby read the first five pages and ran screaming into the night.

But you know what? My kids loved it! This was no BS---Adrienne and Stephanie really loved it. They loved the virgins. They loved that the parents are as screwed up as the teens. And everyone loved "Cousin Toofy", who really should be called Cousin Goofy. As Stephanie put it, every time he popped up, she knew he was going to be an ass.

My kids are used to me and my scripts, but this threw them for a loop. Hey, Soccer Moms can be dirty!

Same Old Same Old

I'm at the point in my new relationship where I get that feeling in my stomach, the one where I feel kinda sick and unsure.

Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right track? Yes, it felt good at the beginning.

It was passion, lust and obsession rolled into one package.

And then, in the morning, once I wake up and stare at myself in the mirror, hair tousled, bags under my eyes, worn, haggard...I can't help but wonder what I'm doing to myself in the name of love.

You know what I'm talking about...the part in a new script, the mid-point, where I wonder what the hell I'm doing.

Most of the time I push my doubts aside and shove ahead, acting on blind faith. Most of the time, it works. But sometimes...it doesn't.

You'd think after all this time, it would get easier.

It doesn't.

This Is Getting To Be Insane

I did it again.

No, not that.

Here I am, steeped in my drama mode, thinking of very serious and weighty things...and a crazy little idea for a raunchy teen sex comedy popped into my head. I mean, this is REALLY funny...and so far everyone I've pitched the concept to gets it and predicts that on the title alone, it should sell.

But do I really want to write a rowdy sex romp? I mean, I guess I could ask my kids for help--I bet they could give me the lowdown on what passes for a "hook-up" these days...yet I don't want to start it only to fizzle out after the first act because I don't feel passionate about it.

Ah, what to do, what to do...

The Man

There I Go Again

I'm out taking my daily walk, cane (big wood stick) in hand, feeling like Gandalf, breathing in the fresh air, listening to the birds sing, and it happened again.

I came up with an idea for a script...which is getting to be a very bad habit.

I have more ideas than I know what to do with, and more scripts in different stages than I know what to do with, and this year I've been going full tilt boogie.

Anyway, the title HARDSCRABBLE popped into my head, then I got an image of a woman being abused by her husband. Of course, it didn't stop there. Within minutes I had filled in the back story, characters, plot and all the other good stuff.

Apart from enjoying the script format, I like it because I can do it quickly, versus a book which can take longer (the last book I attempted took me two and a half years to complete. It needed a rewrite, I got hooked on screenwriting, and I never went back to it).

Yes, eventually I'd like to get back to novels, but when? And for which project? This one? How will I know?

Damn, sometimes I hate being a writer.

What Have You Done Lately?

Since January 1st, I've conceived, written and completed:

BOBBY VALENTI, drama suspense-thriller

HEAVEN SENT, family fantasy/comedy

A MONK eppy (two parter, in fact)

Four different rewrites on JOSHUA'S CAR, family in crisis domestic drama

A rewrite on POLO, family friendly shaggy dog comedy

About a half-dozen pages on GINGERBREAD U, a Christmas comedy

Roughly twenty or so pages on THE PRINZE AND THE HOOD, a teen musical comedy

Blogs for Rouge Wave

Columns for MovieBytes

Notes for The Script Department

Sent out queries

In March I was knocked off my feet by the mother of all flu bugs so I kinda feel like a laggard. Ahem.

And it's only April. April!

So when I hear of a screenwriter who's been working on his opus for the past ten years, I wonder...what the fuck is wrong with me?