My Muse

Hey Ma, lookee, they're taking my picture!



I know what he's thinking, and he knows that I know...hell, I'll race ya!

RUN STOP READING

http://www.gointothestory.com/

Go! Shoo!

NOW!

I SAID NOW!

I Saved The Cat!

Here's my long promised interview with Blake Snyder, a very cool cat!

Blake Snyder didn’t just save his cat, he turned his kitty into pure gold. Author of the best-selling “Save the Cat” how-to screenwriter books/franchise, Blake is a hot commodity at classes, conferences and workshops around the globe for devotees of his now famous “beat sheet,” along with his common-sense methods and savvy tips. A screenwriter and producer for over twenty years, Blake is now busy writing the third installment of the popular “Save the Cat” series in which he is happily devising increasingly clever and crafty ways for writers to get their characters in and out of trouble. We caught up with Blake in Vancouver as he prepared to host one of his popular “Beat Sheet Workshops” (for more information on upcoming workshops, the “Save the Cat” books and ancillary products such as software, please go to www.blakesnyder.com).

Blake, was it always your intent to be a screenwriter? Do you see yourself primarily as a screenwriter or as a writer?

Well, I did tell a friend that I was going to be a big Hollywood screenwriter and sell a script for a million dollars, and it came true. I wrote my first screenplay when I was only seventeen. I am still very much in demand as a screenwriter. I get asked to write screenplays all the time. In the course of my career, I’ve sold over thirteen scripts. “Blank Check” was a successful Disney film. But for now, my primary focus is on the “Save the Cat” books. Writers everywhere tell me that they use and adapt the methods found in the books. I’m delighted to say that even non-writers have found the books useful. I once had a Realtor tell me that they used the books to sell a house!

What would your pitch be to a writer who has never heard of the “Save the Cat” books before?

That they are the first and last screenwriting books you will ever need! When I started out, I wish I had had this information, it would have saved me a lot of time and heartache. I had to educate myself on how to construct a snappy logline, a crackling pitch, and now I am delighted to impart that information to help others who are struggling in much the same way I did years ago. I went through hard times.

You know, so many screenwriters are focused on writing a great script that they forget that it is also about networking and making the necessary contacts in order to get their great script read. It’s all about connecting. Look at it from the executive’s point of view. They’d much rather work with a friend than a stranger. After all, wouldn’t you rather work with a friend than someone you didn’t know at all? I know I would. You can never discount the schmooze factor. You need to be pleasant and sincere.

Where exactly did the idea of "Save the Cat" evolve from?

All the other screenwriting gurus I came of age with, and loved and learned from, were not screenwriters, so when I wrote my book I wanted it to be from the point of view of someone who actually wrote and sold scripts. As a successful screenwriter myself, I wanted my book to be full of the slangy, how we really talk, brass tacks information that I and my screenwriter pals used to talk about and solve writing problems. One phrase I always used is "save the cat" where's the "save the cat" scene I'd ask of a writing partner or when pitching a story, I'd use that phrase to describe the moment as yet to be devised where we know we like the hero in a story. My books and methods are chock full of this stuff, it comes from 20-plus years of shorthand, cut to the set piece, flowery, slangy insider stuff I never heard anywhere else. That's why I think my books inform both new and veteran writers.

Regarding the books, I have a question from a fan. There seems to be a bit of a controversy, or let’s say, a disagreement, about the beats. Some people insist that you must adhere to the structure you lay out exactly, you must be very rigid in the page count where you have the beats, it has to be on this page or that page, and if you deviate from it somehow you’re ruining the formula. Do you have to be such a slave to it or can you deviate a little bit?

It is a guideline, and it is totally adaptable. I am fighting against the idea all the time that certain plot points must be on page 16 or page 25 and if it is not, the reader will simply toss the script aside. The books and the beat sheets are a distillation of everything I have learned over the years, information I sorely wish I had had when I first started out. However, the only way to educate oneself and learn is through trial and error, it is by doing, it is by the actual physical act of writing. There is no getting around that.

I know that for me, and I’m sure I speak for many other writers as well, that the mere mention of pitching strikes terror into our hearts. What was your first experience like pitching?

I can tell you that I was not very good at it. It was not until I educated myself on what made a good logline, the actual construction of it, that I got better at it. I say it in my books, go to Starbucks and pitch to the people standing on line with you. You will see by their reaction if this is a movie they would want to see. Pitch to your family, friends, neighbors. It is invaluable feedback.

If you were starting out as a screenwriter today, what would be your approach?

Well, it is so very much different for a screenwriter starting out today. There are so many opportunities for them, avenues and outlet that were not available back then: the Internet, You Tube, My Space, and the world of independent filmmaking that require less money to go tell a story. Stories are everywhere. We live in an age when visuals are the most important way of telling that story, be it a speech, 30-second commercial, a two-minute You Tube or a film downloaded to a phone. New outlets will be created for the once hemmed-in screenwriter to educate, persuade or create.

What about ageism in Hollywood and the idea that you must live in California to have a screenwriting career? I ask because I have a friend who recently told me that she was giving up screenwriting because one, she was tired of the rejection, and two, she was afraid that she was “over the hill” age-wise.

I hope you tell your friend to call me and hopefully I can talk her out of it! It is still about what is on the page and about making connections. If as a writer you constantly refresh yourself, keep yourself current and viable, I do not think it is a problem. The same applies for living in California, especially now with the Internet. It can be done.

Do you offer screenplay analysis/consulting? Do you plan to have classes on-line for those who can’t attend your workshops in person?

Yes, I love to help writers, and I love to read their scripts because through this, I learn new things all the time. I am my own best student! I will be in a class teaching and then a student will say something and I will think wow, I never thought of that in that way before.

And yes, we are working on offering classes on-line in the very near future. In addition, we recently became partners with Final Draft, and we are very excited about that. I am also proud to say that we have launched a fantastic new high school outreach program to teach students the basics of screenwriting utilizing the methods used in the “Save the Cat” books.

When did you realize that you were on the right track, screenwriting-wise?

I just spoke to a very new writer. As part of my outreach I often spend half-hour coffees with writers to help them. I give back to my industry and that's one way I do it. I asked him what he was working on and he was pitching his stories badly. He was using all the well-intentioned but misguided methods that I used early in my career. Well, by the end of the coffee, I am proud to say, we fixed that. He will never pitch "beat for beat" again. He will focus his story because he'll know what it is. My particular problem early on was attitude. When I started, my whole attitude was, I'm special, I'm different, and these rules don't apply to moi! And so, 20 scripts later that did NOT sell, I really was forced to take a look at that attitude and that method. Was I really going to do this, was I going to be a pro, or was I going to stay being an unsold dilettante? My turn came when I asked: what service do I offer? Why would anyone hire me to write anything? And how can I make it easier for producers, agents and executives to find me, and work with me. That was my big change. Starting from there I started to really examine what sold and what didn't and why. Logline was key. I scoured the trades for spec screenplay sales and examined, really analyzed the loglines and why oh why did they sell and mine did not. I started to make my ideas and scripts more like theirs, and soon my attitude of entitlement changed, and I became a better writer, and soon, one that sold with partners and on my own, a lot of scripts.

What makes for a good concept? Also, what makes for a compelling and a powerful logline, and why is it that so many screenwriters have so much trouble constructing them?

In Chapter 1 of my new book Save the Cat! Strikes Back: More Trouble for Screenwriters to Get Into... and Out Of, I discuss the three types of loglines I get pitched that come up short and why. I talk about failed loglines and pitches I've made and heard from other writers, and I give four brand new requirements that really make a pitch jump off the page. I have learned a lot due to the fact I put my e-mail address into both my books, and always answer writers who pitch me, I've heard hundreds in the past three years, and I have very definite ideas about what works and what doesn't and why. That's why I'm writing the third Save the Cat.

You stress the idea that screenwriters are providing a "service" and that scripts should be "transforming." Can you elaborate on that?

We writers have a noble profession, and it is complicated and hard work and all kinds of problems abound, but in fact the job is simple: Tell me a story. What is that? It's about a hero who faces his greatest fear, dies, and is reborn. That's every story. Why? It's because it's what we do every day; we rise, face the day, face our fears, fail or succeed and close our eyes at the end of it transformed. We die a little every day, we grow a little every day, and what we are all seeking, no matter how we seek it, is an interaction with the divine. However you seek that, falsely or in full consciousness of it, that experience is what successful storytellers recreate in their stories. The reason we like to hear stories of you going through this horrible transformative process, and not us is, it's painful to change! No caterpillar wants to die by becoming a cocoon, especially when we don't know for sure that we'll have wings on the other side of the transformation. But we all do it. Living each day is an act of faith and stories we tell let us know that it's worth it. Every story. Comedy or drama or musical, at core, the good ones address this truth. And as writers we must be aware of that.

What common mistakes or misconceptions new screenwriters have that they should try to avoid? For example, one fear expressed by many is that their scripts and/or ideas will be "stolen."

Yes. I say that only amateurs have this fear. If you only have one idea worth stealing you should be in another business. As to common mistakes, there are so many, I will have to keep writing books about them because I have made them all. But the good news is mistakes are how we grow.

If there's one bit of advice you could give newbie screenwriters, what would it be?

Be happy. You're in a great profession with more opportunities now than ever in the history of man. Be open. The best thing we can be as writers is flexible; the definition of humility is that state in which you are open to learn. Do not always think of what people can do for you; think about what you can do for them. It really is all about good karma.

Pfftttt

It was too good to be true.

Yep, don't you know it...the manager thing went south. I just got an e-mail from the owner of the firm. There was a parting of the ways with the guy I was supposed to sign with.

All this means for me is that I'm back where I started. No manager, no contract, no nothing. Par for the course. So much for my great July horoscope!!

Hot Hot Hot

New York is in the middle of a sweltering heat wave. We haven't had a good dousing rain in weeks, and we are sorely overdue. In this kind of heat, you barely have the energy to go into the pool, as cooling as it is.

I'm plugging away on my Christmas script, slowly but surely (yeah, the heat affects me too). Am waiting to hear back on several projects, but you know how these things go...hurry up and wait. Actually, I'm anxious to get going on some other scripts that have been gestating, so the sooner I get VANILLA SPICE outta my head the better.

In the meantime, MONK had its premiere eppy this past Friday, and to say I was underwhelmed is putting it mildly. I love MONK, I adore Ted Levine, so I really had high hopes for this eppy, but the writers went in another direction than what I had anticipated. Don't you hate when that happens? But hey, what do I know, I'm just a semi-professional who makes a living writing teen beat articles and fortune cookie sayings. (I am a Capricorn. I never forget).

And in case you were wondering, and even if you weren't, still waiting on the tweaked contract. Shouldn't be too long (keeping all body parts crossed).

Maybe, Baby

Don't want to jinx it, but it looks like I have myself a manager. Until I get the contracts, though, that's all I'll say for now.

Otherwise, getting a treatment together (God, do I hate treatments) for a contact at an animation company, and then mulling over another idea (or two or three) in case she passes, as is most likely (ever the optimist) but then asks me what else yer got?

Stone Cold

Today was not a very good day. I woke up in pain due to a kidney stone, and it went downhill from there. Have you ever had a kidney stone? It is PAINFUL. I would rather go through childbirth, at least you get a kid out of it.

Still I tried to work through the agony. I did a couple of pages on one script, got another script ready to go out, and then I got embroiled in a semi-flame war on a screenwriting site...in other words, I pissed the day away, and I mean that sincerely.

And then tonight, like a bolt out of the blue, I heard from the director of my Christmas movie. It looks like they finally have a distributor for a DVD/TV/cable deal, sold at Cannes. And it's to a big international company. You will know this company.

I am very happy.

But I could have done without the kidney stone. Really.

Happy Fourth of July

Another good week. Went back to the Christmas script, started the family comedy, and now hubby and I are brainstorming a very cute and clever family CGI feature. I pitched the idea to a couple of pals and they seemed to dig it, always a good sign.

Also, I had a very good phone confab with a manager who may be interested in repping me. Don't want to say too much about it, he's reading several of my scripts, so we shall see.

The kids are fine and doing their thing.

So yes, while it may change next week, or even tomorrow, today there is reason to celebrate in the McIlvaine household.

Monday Monday

I am tired tonight. Tired, but happy. Not from writing, though. From querying and sending out scripts. Today I did a big e-mail blitz and while not everyone responded with "yes", enough did to make it a good day in McIlvaine Land.

I would love to have a good manager or agent do this. Really. All this marketing crapola keeps me from doing what I love best: write. And wouldn't you know, in between all this madness, I came up with a script idea (thank you, John Fogarty) that I think has great possibilities, or as in speakese, "excellent franchise potential" and "cross multiple platforms."

In other words, make lots of moolah for me and my heirs. Now I just have to find the time, and energy, to write it.

RIP George Carlin

June Follies

I been really busy, folks. Did two interviews, writing, rewriting, reading scripts, querying, and all the other stuff that passes for life.

My interview with TJ Lynch is at www.pitchfest.com, look under Newsletters. Sometime next week my interview with Blake Snyder (Save the Cat) will be posted as well. Both super nice guys.

Other than that, still here, if anyone gives a shit.

Love sunflowers. Have done a lot of planting in my garden. No wonder my back hurts!

RIP Sydney Pollack

Sad, sad news.

Unforgiveable

I don't often get on my political soapbox, but recent events have forced me to.

Let me be blunt: initially, I supported Hillary Clinton in her Presidential quest. However, in this long and bitter campaign, she lost my vote a long time ago. Now, after her remarks regarding RFK and his awful death, it only reinforces my decision.

I have tried, for the life of me, to understand why she would say such a thing. I just don't. And her "non-apology" is even worse.

Don't get me started on RFK. I loved him. I will never forget the day he died. My beloved grandmother was inconsolable. She loved RFK and the Kennedy family just as much as I did.

For Hillary to even think such a thing, that's bad enough.

But to say it.

I wish she would resign as my Senator and just quietly go away. I love the Big Dog, he was a great President, and while the thought of him being the First Man is delicious, this recent "gaffe" is too, too much.

My mother said it best: Hillary has dug her own grave. Now let her lie in it.

That Magic Moment

Mother's Day seems an eternity. Between writing, querying, life, kids, and all that other crap, I barely know which end is up.

And then it all comes into focus today. What I'm doing, or trying to do. And who I'm doing it for.

No, not the last super delegate telling me who's they're going to vote for.

I have a great phone conversation with a producer. I wasn't PJ the Mommy, I was PJ the writer of that great Showtime movie. We connected. And for twenty minutes I was firing on all cylinders, pitching, ducking and weaving, giving it my best shot, and them giving it right back to me in a positive way.

And the best part of it, the kids were home. All three of them, a rare treat, with boyfriends in tow, a rowdy group, and they started cooking diner. I come out of the office and they can tell by the way I'm dancing that it was a good phone gab. No, not just good, it was fantastic. And even if nothing comes of it, for that time, my time, it felt wonderful. It felt normal. It felt like this is what it's supposed to be.

Just me...PJ.

Mother's Day

I was talking with a friend and yes, the subject of kids came up. I have a very strong maternal instinct. I love my kids, I would die for my kids, I would take a bullet for them in a heartbeat. There is nothing I would not do for them. And I think they pretty well know it.

So yeah, I guess that makes me a Mother. And proud of it!

More Musings From The Front Lines

As I market my latest spec, it came to me that I'm not just shilling a script. In a very real sense, I'm shilling myself. My voice, my words, my tone, my dreams, my creativity, my imagination, my soul, me, me, me.

It's a hard thing to accept that people may just not be interested in...me, me, me.
So why do I put myself through this agony time and time again? Am I sadist? Lord knows, I've been shit canned to the curb so many times that you'd think by now I'd be gun shy.

But no, I'm pimping myself like a ho in the hood. This is the part I hate. I really do. I don't relish this at all. Yet I remain ever optimistic that my knight in shining armor will come galloping up (or maybe drive up in his shiny foreign car).

I can't imagine doing anything else. I can't imagine not doing this. So I guess I'm stuck like a rat in a maze.

Hope springs eternal. Like kittens, puppies and fools.

More of The Man

How could you not love him? C'mon, I dare you! Look at that face, especially in the last photo. Those dancing eyes. Oh, what a tease! You know what he's thinking of. Hell, you know what I'm thinking of.

He makes me want to go on a two week bender...and I ain't talking about no lost weekend.

The Hills Have Eyes? Nah. Ted Levine has eyes. And balls. Cue piss and swagger music.

CHERRY PICKING

Well, I've really gone off the deep end. Sweet lil ole me has written a very naughty sex comedy involving virgins, eggs, Poison Ivy and ugly chicks.

My kids read it and were simply agog. First, that I had written it. Second, that I had written it, their Mommy. Third, that I didn't pussy foot around and went for the jugular. You can't have a sex comedy without the sex or the comedy.

My hubby read the first five pages and ran screaming into the night.

But you know what? My kids loved it! This was no BS---Adrienne and Stephanie really loved it. They loved the virgins. They loved that the parents are as screwed up as the teens. And everyone loved "Cousin Toofy", who really should be called Cousin Goofy. As Stephanie put it, every time he popped up, she knew he was going to be an ass.

My kids are used to me and my scripts, but this threw them for a loop. Hey, Soccer Moms can be dirty!

Same Old Same Old

I'm at the point in my new relationship where I get that feeling in my stomach, the one where I feel kinda sick and unsure.

Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right track? Yes, it felt good at the beginning.

It was passion, lust and obsession rolled into one package.

And then, in the morning, once I wake up and stare at myself in the mirror, hair tousled, bags under my eyes, worn, haggard...I can't help but wonder what I'm doing to myself in the name of love.

You know what I'm talking about...the part in a new script, the mid-point, where I wonder what the hell I'm doing.

Most of the time I push my doubts aside and shove ahead, acting on blind faith. Most of the time, it works. But sometimes...it doesn't.

You'd think after all this time, it would get easier.

It doesn't.

This Is Getting To Be Insane

I did it again.

No, not that.

Here I am, steeped in my drama mode, thinking of very serious and weighty things...and a crazy little idea for a raunchy teen sex comedy popped into my head. I mean, this is REALLY funny...and so far everyone I've pitched the concept to gets it and predicts that on the title alone, it should sell.

But do I really want to write a rowdy sex romp? I mean, I guess I could ask my kids for help--I bet they could give me the lowdown on what passes for a "hook-up" these days...yet I don't want to start it only to fizzle out after the first act because I don't feel passionate about it.

Ah, what to do, what to do...

The Man

There I Go Again

I'm out taking my daily walk, cane (big wood stick) in hand, feeling like Gandalf, breathing in the fresh air, listening to the birds sing, and it happened again.

I came up with an idea for a script...which is getting to be a very bad habit.

I have more ideas than I know what to do with, and more scripts in different stages than I know what to do with, and this year I've been going full tilt boogie.

Anyway, the title HARDSCRABBLE popped into my head, then I got an image of a woman being abused by her husband. Of course, it didn't stop there. Within minutes I had filled in the back story, characters, plot and all the other good stuff.

Apart from enjoying the script format, I like it because I can do it quickly, versus a book which can take longer (the last book I attempted took me two and a half years to complete. It needed a rewrite, I got hooked on screenwriting, and I never went back to it).

Yes, eventually I'd like to get back to novels, but when? And for which project? This one? How will I know?

Damn, sometimes I hate being a writer.

What Have You Done Lately?

Since January 1st, I've conceived, written and completed:

BOBBY VALENTI, drama suspense-thriller

HEAVEN SENT, family fantasy/comedy

A MONK eppy (two parter, in fact)

Four different rewrites on JOSHUA'S CAR, family in crisis domestic drama

A rewrite on POLO, family friendly shaggy dog comedy

About a half-dozen pages on GINGERBREAD U, a Christmas comedy

Roughly twenty or so pages on THE PRINZE AND THE HOOD, a teen musical comedy

Blogs for Rouge Wave

Columns for MovieBytes

Notes for The Script Department

Sent out queries

In March I was knocked off my feet by the mother of all flu bugs so I kinda feel like a laggard. Ahem.

And it's only April. April!

So when I hear of a screenwriter who's been working on his opus for the past ten years, I wonder...what the fuck is wrong with me?

Works For Me

"A child was told to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing
and brought tears to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for granted that
children understand what we are teaching??? Through the eyes of a child.

Children's Bible in a Nutshell


In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God,
darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think
He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and
someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam
and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been
invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were
driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though,
because they didn't have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his
brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off,
except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his
kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some
animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would
have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his
brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot
roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston.
Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after
God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice,
lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.

Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include don't lie, cheat,
smoke, dance, or co vet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one
more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use
spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot.
He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My
teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was
Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed upon the shore. There
were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about
them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New
Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a
barn, t oo, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you
born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and
the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas
Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some
Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial
before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his
hands instead.

Any way's, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up
to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold
in the book of Revolution."

I Love New York (And Kristen)

God, another day, another scandal.

Actually, I'm sad that our beloved Gov had to resign without revealing all the sordid details of his trysts. The hell with the bank account transfers, we just want to know what he got for $5500 an hour. My God, was her vava made of gold? I mean, come on, one pussy is just as good as the next, non? Talk about blowing your wad!

$80K to bang high class whores? Guess Spitzer couldn't handle the pressure hooker. And it had to be a married, moralizing, crusading Democrat! Maybe he and Larry Craig should form a club for politicos who had to resign in shame and disgrace. Oh, silly me, Craig didn't resign!

No doubt the next stop for Spitz on his "atonement" tour will be a reality show on MTV. Maybe "The Governor Who Couldn't Shoot Straight"?

Spray The Lysol

Dead...Woman...Walking

Am slowly coming back to life after being felled by the mother of all flu's. I was fine over the weekend, but then my better half started hacking early Sunday morning. By Sunday afternoon he had the shakes and crashed after drinking up most of the Nyquil. I escaped to another bedroom, but not soon enough.

Monday I felt a tad queasy but still okay. Tuesday started off okay and then it went downhill. My fever spiked at 102.6 and I began babbling about my life insurance policy.

Reminder to myself when I have a high fever and am delirious: never watch "Spellbound". In fact, never watch it again.

Now the fever is gone, but this grippe has settled in my chest and I sound like Maude.

In other words....dead...woman...walking.

Idle Hands of March

The big snowstorm on Friday was a bust, still haven't heard back from any producers, and I'm still looking for inspiration on a particular project.

On another note, speaking of notes, I'm delighted to say that I'm now affiliated with www.thescriptdepartment.com

So it goes without saying, if you happen to be in the market for professional script anaylsis, check out Julie Gray and the great people at SD. My e-mail addy there is
pj@thescriptdepartment.com


Now I'm gonna put on some bagpipe music, stoke up the fire, and dream.

The Neck Belly Reels - Sharon Shannon

Bliss on earth.

Sharon Shannon

Another amazing musician.

Cape Breton Fiddle : Natalie MacMaster iii

More of the Queen

Natalie MacMaster

The Queen of Fiddles

Fiddle De Dee

My family knows of my undying love for Cape Breton fiddle music. I pretty much have all the Natalie MacMaster albums, and this week I stumbled quite by accident upon a great site called

www.capebretonlive.com

It's got albums and live performances which I found, also by accident, that automatically downloaded onto my computer. Three live shows down, another 45 or so to go. I am in fiddle Heaven.

I have no idea why I love this music so much. I used to play the violin in elementary and high school. I couldn't read a lick of music, I played by ear. I loved it, loved the performances, loved having to dress up. But we played stuff like Beethoven, not earthy, down and dirty melodies that you'd shake your butt to.

When I have my headphones, the family knows to leave me alone. One day I hope to visit Cape Breton and experience it in person, but until then, this will have to do.

Double Pffttt

Well, that didn't long.

I just found out that the TV show I had written a sample episode for doesn't accept outside script submissions.

Let that be a lesson to you, boys and girls.

Ask first.

Write later.

C'est la vie.

It's like a splinter, it'll hurt for a little while, but it'll go away.

Eventually.

Busier Than A Four Armed Whore

I started out with the best of intentions.

Was working on the contemporary drama, then I got sidetracked---again---by the teen musical comedy, which in turn got sidetracked by the MONK spec---don't ask---which in turn is threatening to be waylaid by other writing things---oh, and I still have the Moviebytes column to pen...

Sometimes it doesn't pay to type or get up in the morning...

I WOULD HAVE THIS MAN'S BABY IN A HEARTBEAT

HARLAN ELLISON ON THE WRITERS STRIKE SETTLEMENT

YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO RE-POST THIS ANYWHERE:

Creds: got here in 1962, written for just about everybody, won the Writers Guild Award four times for solo work, sat on the WGAw Board twice, worked on negotiating committees, and was out on the picket lines with my NICK COUNTER SLEEPS WITH THE FISHE$$$ sign. You may have heard my name. I am a Union guy, I am a Guild guy, I am loyal. I fuckin’ LOVE the Guild.

And I voted NO on accepting this deal.

My reasons are good, and they are plentiful; Patric Verrone will be saddened by what I am about to say; long-time friends will shake their heads; but this I say without equivocation…

THEY BEAT US LIKE A YELLOW DOG. IT IS A SHIT DEAL. We finally got a timorous generation that has never had to strike, to get their asses out there, and we had to put up with the usual cowardly spineless babbling horse’s asses who kept mumbling “lessgo bac’ta work” over and over, as if it would make them one iota a better writer. But after months on the line, and them finally bouncing that pus-sucking dipthong Nick Counter, we rushed headlong into a shabby, scabrous, underfed shovelfulla shit clutched to the affections of toss-in-the-towel summer soldiers trembling before the Awe of the Alliance.

My Guild did what it did in 1988. It trembled and sold us out. It gave away the EXACT co-terminus expiration date with SAG for some bullshit short-line substitute; it got us no more control of our words; it sneak-abandoned the animator and reality beanfield hands before anyone even forced it on them; it made nice so no one would think we were meanies; it let the Alliance play us like the village idiot. The WGAw folded like a Texaco Road Map from back in the day.

And I am ashamed of this Guild, as I was when Shavelson was the prexy, and we wasted our efforts and lost out on technology that we had to strike for THIS time. 17 days of streaming tv!!!????? Geezus, you bleating wimps, why not just turn over your old granny for gang-rape?

You deserve all the opprobrium you get. While this nutty festschrift of demented pleasure at being allowed to go back to work in the rice paddy is filling your cowardly hearts with joy and relief that the grips and the staff at the Ivy and street sweepers won’t be saying nasty shit behind your back, remember this:

You are their bitches. They outslugged you, outthought you, outmaneuvered you; and in the end you ripped off your pants, painted yer asses blue, and said yes sir, may I have another.

Please excuse my temerity. I’m just a sad old man who has fallen among Quislings, Turncoats, Hacks and Cowards.

I must go now to whoops. My gorge has become buoyant.

Respectfully, Yr. Pal, Harlan Ellison

Toute Sweet

I just got a nice pass from a producer on my new spec. He said that while it was "very sweet", it just wasn't for them and wished me all the best of luck.

I know what you're thinking. A kind brush off, maybe even a backhanded not so nice brush off.

Very sweet.

Nudge, nudge. Look at her. She's sweet, poor thing.

My cat Kisses is very sweet...until she coughs up a hair ball.

Cotton candy is very sweet...until you eat too much of it.

Falling snow is very sweet...but's a hellish mess to drive in.

You get the picture.

Problem is, I am sweet. I can't help it.

I write sweet too. Can't help that either.

I have never done anything bad in my life. Never took drugs (took pot once, doesn't count).

Never drank to excess. Or much at all.

Haven't whored around. Haven't whored, period.

Never went around without any underwear. Okay, once, in kindergarten.

I have no dark, deep secrets.

Okay, so not only am I sweet, but I'm dull, dull, dull.

But is that such a bad thing?

Not the dull part. The sweet part.

I can be dirty. Really. I burp. I break wind. Doesn't everyone?

So I'm very sweet. Kill me. Put me out of my misery

But let me cut one first.

And yes, I know the strike is over. So why do I feel so bad?

TOP TEN THINGS I WANT TO SEE IN 2008

I want Bill Clinton back in the White House. The idea of him being "The First Husband" is simply too delicious to contemplate.

I want to lose 80lbs without really trying. All right, maybe 50. Less is more. Without trying. NO MORE COOKIES!!!

I'd like to see Britney get treated by House. He'd have her cured in 45 minutes or less, give a commercial break or two.

I would love it if Dave Letterman dropped his unfunny routines about the weather in New York. Enough, Dave! We know it's cold!

I want the WGA to get the fair deal they deserve. No, not just a fair deal---a great deal.

I want more of Ted Levine on MONK. The OCD Guy is getting on my last nerve (as I run to wash my hands for the 68576 time today).

I want world peace, a cure for the common cold, and gas under a dollar. Oil too.

I want a bank error in my favor. A big bank error. Win Mega Millions?

I want another baby.

I want a script to sell. Lots of scripts. All my scripts. Okay, I'd settle for just one.

I'd like one of my kids to have a baby. Any baby. Kidnap a baby. Buy a baby doll?

I want a pair of French Bulldogs. Max and Maxine. And they can have babies.

And just once, I'd like those silly horoscope readings to come true.

No Place Like Home

So while I wait for feedback on my crazy little script that tore through me like a tornado, I return to my contemporary drama of a family in crisis, a real downer. I know I have to tackle it sooner or later, so it might as well be...tomorrow.

Now don't get me wrong. I love the story. I love the characters. It's personal. Maybe too personal. I've been carrying it around in my head for years: bad things happen to good people. And since I love these people, doing bad things to them is hard. I tell myself it's not a comedy, it's drama. Ya can't have a drama without...the drama. The tears. The implosions. The "fuck you" moment when it all goes to hell.

The only thing that keeps me going on it is that it has a happy ending. Somewhat. Really.

Heath Ledger RIP
Ten Things We Love About You
Great Daddy
Cool Actor
And my Stephanie was crushing on you
Sleep with the Angels

Does Anybody Know What Time It Is?

Boy, have we got off to a banging New Year!

Eddie Murphy got "spiritually married", now after two weeks, stick a fork in it. that's one way to save on lawyer fees.

Jamie Lynn is knocked up at sixteen and depending on which rag you read, she's on the verge of a miscarriage, on the way to the hospital, is unsure as to who the Baby Daddy is, or is being dumped by the Baby Daddy who already supposedly got another girl pregnant...and with a war going on, the economy in the tank, this inspires a national debate on birth control...NOT!

Big sis sis Brit Brit (ie Unfitney) outdoes lil sis sis by throwing a temper tantrum, getting locked up in the mental ward, only to wind up in Mexico with her married photographer BF and then refuse to appear at the courthouse to fight for custody of her babies yet has all the time in the world to stop in at gas stations, retail stores and pharmacies for photo opps in ragged fishnet stockings and no underwear.

Meanwhile, Lindsey traipses off to Italy to receive a dubious "career
achievement award" but the only achievement she apppears to have done while abroad was to fall off the wagon and hop, skimp and jump from one bed to another (with all the salacious details peddled by these nefarious Lotharios) to the tabloids for a lucrative lira.

Paris, after assuring the world she was going to live on a higher plane since her stint in the hokey, makes endless appearances in clubs where she told one lucky audience that she'd like to "fuck" them all. Makes you long for the days when celebs would do their jail time quietly and without fanfare--like Kiefer Sutherland is doing right now.

And Long Island natives Joey B and Amy F release competing sex tapes but swear they're not making any money off them. The only thing better would be a sex tape of Joey B and Amy F doing the nasty. Since when did getting yourself caught in the act suddenly become so profitable and respectable? I want my own sex tape!

And it's only January???

HEAVEN SENT

All Shelley wanted for her thirteenth birthday was to get her belly button pierced. Instead, she got wings. If there is a God, He is alive and well in Heaven, Vermont. Sometimes, a girl has to fly.

DoYou Know Where Your Mutt Is?

THE TALE OF THE FREE LOVESEAT OR HOW I GOT RIPPED OFF, MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS

On the first day Christmas, I got ripped off by Levitz Furniture.

Let me explain. Back in September, I bought a new sofa and love seat combo. After searching high and low, I found an incredible deal at the aforementioned furniture store. Buy the sofa get the love seat free!!! I also paid for a ten year warranty covering the fabric (with three cats,I figured, what the hey). At that rate, the warranty would probably outlive the stupid furniture. I even made it simple for the store. I paid cash.

Ha! I'm such a good customer.

However, Daughter #2 (more to the point, Big Tim Bronco, her fiance) warned me against it. Vehemently. He had his own miserable experience with Levitz. But did I listen?

The sofa was delivered, no problems. Due to the sale, so I was told, the love seat was on back order, but I'd get it around Thanksgiving. Uhm, okay.

Shortly thereafter, it was announced in the local paper that Levitz was filing Chapter 11. I was concerned, but not so much. After all, I had paid for my stuff and I had a delivery date. I mean, they wouldn't stiff people who had already paid, right?

Ahem.

When I called to confirm the delivery date, I was suddenly told that due to a "production problem" in the warehouse, the love seat would now be delivered on December 6th. The friendly and helpful customer service rep assured me that I would get my love seat on that day, and also insisted that their filing Chapter 11 had no bearing on my order.

Like a fool, I kept the faith, even after I learned that not only was Levitz filing Chapter 11, they were also shutting their doors forever due to the trickle down effects of the sub prime mortgage mess. If people can't afford their homes, they sure as hell aren't buying new furniture.

Of course you know what happened. I spend all day waiting for my love seat that never arrives (and a delivery that Levitz, in their infinite wisdom, called to confirm the week before).

Royally pissed, I call the 800 number. The helpful and friendly rep is now replaced by a recording.

In desperation, I call the store where I bought the stuff. The staff is about as friendly as a rabid pit bull. When I complain to the store manager, the asshole blows me off by whining that everyone is in a lousy mood because they are all losing their jobs and infers that the day I get my love seat will be a cold day in Tahiti.

Adding insult to my injury, the very next day Levitz runs a full page ad in the local rag touting their tremendous "Going Out Of Business Sale" ! I fume at the absurdity. I can't get my free fucking love seat but they are still trolling for customers.

After days of dialing, I finally get ahold of a real live person in customer disservice, fat lot of good that did me. Now the story is that they are still getting merchandise, but they don't know if they will be able to fill my order and won't know for a couple of days, maybe.

But they are not able to fulfill my order because they are in Chapter 11.

Oh no. They can't fill my order because they are going out of business.

So I ask the harried and downtrodden customer disservice rep what is my recourse if they can't deliver my free love seat for which I have already paid for in cash (including delivery and that goddamn worthless warranty) she says to me, no kidding....

That I have to file a claim in Bankruptcy Court along with all the other creditors (i.e. suckers).

On the second day of Christmas I lost my mind.

CATASTROPHE

So the Psycho Cat sauntered up me after she finished sipping her milk and wanted to know what was up with the WGA strike. (Although we are not WGA members, it is due to the WGA that I get measly but very appreciated foreign residual checks for MY HORRIBLE YEAR).

Psycho Cat: So how can I become a scat? I can write as good as any monkey. And I'm here in the good ole US of A. Then movie moguls don't have to go to England to get mongrel scats.

Me: What the hell did Granny put in your milk?

Psycho Cat: You know what I'm talking about, you asshole. Scats!

Me: Oh....you mean scabs. Trust me, you don't want to be a scab.

Psycho Cat: Why not?

Me: Because you can never join the WGA and get health benefits and all the other

nice perks if you do. Besides, it's not nice.

Psycho Cat: What do I care about health benefits? You took me to a cheap vet when I had worms. And who said I was nice? I'm the psycho cat. All I'm asking for is a chance. I can write better crap than CAVEMEN.

Me: So can I.

Psycho Cat: But you're not a cat. Hey, How about a remake of MICE AND MEN?

Change the men to cats, get Angelina and Clooney...I smell bling!

Me: I smell kitty litter.

SOLIDARITY

I'm not in the WGA, but I support the strike. I'd sooner cut off my right arm than be a scab.


www.theartfulwriter.com
www.unitedhollywood.com

Yeah I Know

Time slips away when you're having fun.

It's been a long, strange summer. Just starting to catch my breath and assimilate, meditate, hesitate and procrastinate.

Hopefully things will settle down soon and I can get back to doing what I love best.

Until then...Go, Red Sox, Go!

Independence Day

What, no aliens?

Alive and chugging away like the little engine that could. And waiting and writing and waiting and writing, not necessarily in that order.

Memorial Day

Cloudy. Blech. But tomorrow is supposed to be gorgeous.

I am very confused as to this new Blogger-Google thingie. It appears that I have two separate accounts, and I can never remember the e-mail/passwords to either of them. They couldn't have left well enough alone.

Otherwise, I've had a full plate this month: still working on my father's estate, Heather's graduation, Adrienne's strep throat, Stephanie's home for the summer, trusty little Neon finally died after years of loving abuse and was carted off to the junk yard, various other hassles and oh---still managed to work, write, work, write, sleep, bake, in no particular order.

Not a bad month. Now I just need to shake some more trees in June and hopefully resolve some long standing issues.

I Be A Bad Girl

I know, I know. Times flies and all that crapola.

I've been busy. Really. Writing, life, all that good stuff.

Otherwise, I'm still here, plugging away. Keeping up appearances.

Larry finally has the baby. I'm delighted.

Paris is going to jail. I'm devastated. No more TMZ updates?

Still not watching AMERICAN IDOL.

Waiting for HELL'S KITCHEN.

Hated TOP DESIGN.

Wondering why they didn't get Farrah for SHEAR GENIUS. What, she was too expensive?

No more BLOW OUT?

When is PROJECT RUNWAY coming back?

Fuck JERICHO.

Media Overload

I'm loathe to admit it, but yes, Anna Nicole got to me. How could it not? It had everything and then some: sex, money, mystery, drugs, and unending court battles. I haven't seen Greta have so much fun since the Natalie Holloway days.

Larry King (looking very cadaverous) played host to a vast array of characters and charlatans, but by the time of Anna's delayed burial, even Larry looked tired of the whole sordid affair.

Where was Maury when you needed him? He would've settled the paternity circus in one half hour show.

Now I am in Anna Nicole withdrawal, at least until the next court date.

We have a war going on and all the media can do is fall over itself to cover the funeral of a drug addicted, C-celebrity (and this doesn't even take into account Britney's woes).

Clearly, I've made a mess of my life. I never abused my kids. Hell, they even profess to like me. I'm not high on crack. One Bud Light puts me under the table. I'm still married to my first and only husband. Worse still, we sleep together.

I've never done anything in my life, not one single thing, that could even be remotely considered scandalous.

I'm a complete, abject failure.

Oscar Post Mortem

Boring and bloated. There, I said in three words what took almost four hours. I hate to admit it, but I was praying that the telecast would've been interrupted by something fantastic like Anna Nicole rising from the dead, just to break the monotony.

Ellen was "too" nice. Yeah, she had two nice bits with Marty and Clint, but otherwise, she was as bland as tapioca pudding.

What the fuck is up with Jack Nicholson? Is he auditioning for the title role of a biopic on Marlon Brando? He was almost unrecognizable, save for the sunglasses.

Jennifer Hudson's stylist (or whoever made her wear that silly metallic bolero) should be boiled in oil.

Anne Hathaway and Meryl Streep didn't take their Prada roles to heart, apparently. Meryl, it's okay to be size 14, however, you don't have to dress as if you were size 16.

How on earth did Cameron Diaz go to the bathroom in that gown? Maybe she didn't. Maybe she got her hands on some of those astronaut nappies.

Will somebody please take a microphone away from Ryan Seacrest? The only good thing was that Billy Bush was nowhere in sight.

Now onto the good stuff...

As for the awards itself, I'm of two minds. It was great and well deserved that Marty got his Oscar, but one gets the feeling that this year, he could have been nominated for directing traffic and he still would've gotten it. Plus, he was nominated for a film that was an adaptation of a Japanese film...does that carry the same weight as an original like RAGING BULL or GANGS OF NEW YORK? I'm not sure. And wasn't it a huge tip off on who was going to win with Spielberg, Lucas and Coppola presenting the award?

Hindsight has shown that often, the Academy bestows the little golden man for reasons other than who was the "best" that year. How else to explain AROUND THE WORLD IN EIGHTY DAYS and THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH winning for Best Picture? Hell, Elizabeth Taylor admitted that her Oscar for BUTTERFIELD 8 was undeserved. She hated the role and did everything she could to get out of it, reportedly. But during the Oscar balloting she was gravely ill with pneumonia and nearly died.

I predicted pretty much all the major winners. Just before they announced Best Supporting Actor, I told my hubby that it was Eddie Murphy's to lose, and sure enough, he did. What a kick in the teeth. In retrospective, following his plum role in DREAM GIRLS with NORBIT now seems like a really dumb move.

As for Helen Mirren and Forest Whittaker, they basically won for impersonation. Whittaker seems to have mainly won for being a truly nice guy who turned into a beast on camera. Not taking anything from Whittaker, a marvelous actor, but you should see my husband when he discovers that raccoons have gotten into the trash or when somebody cuts him off in the Stop & Shop parking lot.

What was up with nominating BORAT for Best Adapted Screenplay? Was that some kind of inside joke?

Yay for President Al Gore!

Really, they should hand out all the special effect awards on a separate night. Just give the people what they want: the red carpet and Brad Pitt.

Soap Opera Overload

Anna Nicole Smith and Britney Spears. A match made in Celebrity Heaven. A paparazzi dream come true.

Anna Nicole was a train wreck in progress. While her death was shocking, given her age, it wasn't surprising, given her lifestyle. She wanted to be famous, well, she's more famous now in death than she was in life, the legal saga goes on, and we still don't know who fathered little Dannilynn. Is it Howard? Larry? The Prince? Elvis?

What was this cab driver turned Florida jurist auditioning for, his own half-hour sitcom on Spike TV? I thought it was a court proceeding, not a group therapy hug.

Then you have Britney's excruciatingly public breakdown. At first glance, this seemed to come out of blue, but there were signs all along. Her breakup with Justin, the sudden hookup with Kevin, getting pregnant back to back, then the failed marriage, those sans underwear photos, the constant partying with her new BFF. With two babies under two years of age, where does she get the energy? Maybe I shouldn't ask.

Beyonce vs. Jennifer H.

Am I the only one in the western world who thinks that Beyonce agreeing to appear as the cover model of this year's Sports Illustrated "swimsuit" issue is nothing more than a bitchslap to Jennifer Hudson?

Reality check: Beyonce is a star. Jennifer H was dumped from American Idol too soon. Beyonce is thin. Jennifer H is curvaceous and well-endowed.

DREAMGIRLS was supposed to be Beyonce's movie, but it's not, thanks to Jennifer stealing it from under her nose (what's next, Jay Z?).

Jennifer is getting all the accolades and the awards that by all rights should have gone to Beyonce. It's understandable that Beyonce might be jealous and resentful. Still, can't Beyonce's advisors think of a better way for their charge to upstage Jennifer than exposing Beyonce's Golden Globes?

Girlfriends, c'mon, why can't we all get along? Retract those claws. Meow! Meow!

I'M BAAACKKKKK!!!!!!

C'mon, you didn't think you'd get rid of me that easily?

After a couple of tumultuous months, I've regrouped, taken a deep breath, loaded up on high potency vitamins, flushed my meds down the toilet and decided that if not now, then when?

A new year brings new beginnings, new hopes, new dreams and desires. 2006 was an awful year and I'm more than ready to kick it to the dustbin of history. I figure, 2007 can't be any worse (well, yes, it can, but I'm going to remain optimistic). I feel like I've jumped out of an airplane without a parachute. It's exhilarating yet scary at the same time.

Okay, so I'm never going to win an Oscar. I'll never meet George Lucas. And maybe, just maybe, I'm a third rate writer who had her chance and blew it.

Then again...maybe not. Karma, if I ever needed you, it's now.

PROJECT WRONGWAY

That's it. I've had it. I invested three years into this show. No more, not after last night's nonsensical finale.

I was under the impression that the purpose of this show was to find the "next great fashion designer"...not an already is who has celebrity clients like Gwen Stefani and the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Look, Jeffrey may be a great guy, a nice father, a former drug user, and he's good (I can't forget the milkmaid outfit) at what he does: punk star/rock and roll chic. But this is not new. It's not even fashion forward. It's fashion rewind---to the 1980's.

Note to Michael Kors: having a tat on your neck does not make you the next Martha Stewart.

There wasn't one outfit in Jeffrey's collection that I could wear. There wasn't one outfit in his collection that I would want to wear. And that long dress was hideous.

I'm also sick and tired of being manipulated by BRAVO with their judicious editit. Based on the judges comments, I thought for sure Laura and Ulie would be the final two.

Does Nina think she's oh so smart with her snarky remarks?

Granted, the show is a hit, but when it comes to launching a fashion career and/or a brand name, the show is a dud. Jay had health problems. Chloe seems to be quite content to remain in Texas. And now we have Jeffrey...I hear crickets chirping. Can anyone see him as the head of a fashion house?

I don't think so.

I hope Laura and Ulie go on to faboo careers and blow Jeffrey out of the water.

Heidi, you're out!!!!

Screenwriting Rules

Sorry that I've been so remiss in blogging. I've had my hands full since August: sending daughter off to college, life, various catastrophes, and juggling several projects. I feel like I'm coming up for air (or I'm a Phoenix rising from the ashes). Take your pick.

I'm still doing the monthly column at www.moviebytes.com, and I just sent them my newest one, "Witless". My husband says its the best one I've done yet, but what does he know.

On another note, I'd like to digress and ruminate a bit on the "screenwriting rules". You know, all the things you're not supposed to do---but I've seen done on sold, produced scripts.

For example, you're not supposed to write "unfilmmable bits". Well, in MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING, Ron Bass gets away with those cutting and witty asides that can't be filmed. (Yeah, but he's Ron Bass).

I've been told that you shouldn't have action paragraphs more than three lines. However, on the draft I read of WHAT LIES BENEATH, the action paragraphs are much longer.

So what does this all mean, in the end?

Nothing.

Rules are meant to be broken. And who thought up these crazy rules in the first place?

Do whatever you have to do to tell your story your way.

Now I'm not talking about weird formatting and the like, because there is a standard format (and with good reason). Typos and grammatical errors will just peg you for an amateur who doesn't know how to edit.

If you have a great idea with great writing, no one will notice or care if you broke or rewrote the rules.

Ask Ron Bass.

Support a Fellow Artist

My good buddy Liz, a director/writer, has a website up devoted to her new movie

www.furythemovie.com

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN LYNCHED (great tagline).

To help her out in costs, Liz is asking for donations (starting at $15) in exchange for a screen credit. I dedicated mine to my beloved brother Mike.

So...not only are you helping out a fellow artist, but it makes you feel all warm and squishy inside. And the movie looks pretty good, too!

www.furythemovie.com

Post Joe-Momentum Thoughts

Yeah, yeah, Keith was booted off PROJECT RUNWAY last week for having illegal "pattern books". Doesn't matter that he never used them, and I'm frankly surprised at the number of people at the Runway board who think such shenanigans are okay. However, I still haven't picked a favorite yet, since Malan (sniff, sniff) was thrown overboard.

Let me digress a bit and get on my political soapbox. I've been following the Lamont-Lieberman primary battle through DailyKos, Talking Points Memo and other blogs. Now, on the morning after, we're getting the crazy MSM spin that Lamont's unexpected win bodes ill for Democrats in the fall.

HUH? I mean, what weed are they chewing?

Let's get this straight.

For many reasons too numerous to list, Lieberman (at least since 2004) has been a faux Democrat. And now Democrats are being taken to task for voting him out?

Democrats are supposed to OPPOSE the Republicans, not suck up to them and support them in ill advised ventures.

Democrats in the Nutmeg State perceived that Lieberman was a Republican in sheep's clothing. He was booted out. Democracy at its finest, blah blah blah.

But wait...instead of bowing out gracefully and supporting Lamont in the name of party unity, Lieberman is blathering about running as an "independent Democrat". And Republicans are cheering him on (no big shock there).

It's the Repubs who have sucked up to Bush that should be quaking in their boots, not the other way around. If Bush was the "kiss of death" to Lieberman, what does that foretell for his Republican counterparts? They should, thank you David Crosby, be "scared shitless".

Don't let the MSM spin fool you.

And at the end of the day, I don't think Lieberman will run as an independent Democrat. He might switch parties and run as a Republican...

Where's Heidi Klum when you need her?

Musings on a Saturday Afternoon After a Heat Storm

All this week we've had record breaking temps, not that today is that much cooler. Still in the low 90's, but tomorrow is supposed to be better, in the 80's and less humid.

I want to congratulate my pal Scott the Reader for advancing in Nicholls. Good going, Scott!

A big shout out as well to Mary B, who while not advancing, got the coveted
"10%" comment from Greg Beal. Let me tell you, the one and only year I entered Nicholls, as it turned out, I was very happy to get that Beal comment. It kept my hopes and dreams alive a long time.

A huge hooray to Lynne and Robin, for making it through the summer with their brains intact (relatively speaking) after reading for Nicholls and Final Draft Big Break. I can understand them being burnt out after reading 400 plus scripts.

Which leads me to a discussion we had last night at our weekly screenwriting chat. (If you'd like an invite, e-mail orbie@aol.com).

To make a long story short, I related about how I had tried to help another screenwriter with a logline she posted at one of the writing sites. I thought it was a great concept. Still do.

The problem was, as I saw it, was that her concept promised something that her story (or how she chose to write it) failed to deliver.

Let me give you an example. I once pitched BORN AGAIN, a comedy about two haplass angels who screw up taking a woman's soul to Heaven, to a writer/producer. Now in his mind, my logline conjured up images of a zany comedy about the woman's soul bouncing from one body to another.

Now that's not bad, really.

But it wasn't my script. Far from it. Pffft.

My point is...when you pitch a script, you might envision it is a comedy, but to someone else, it might be a drama. Make sure the logline and the story/genre fits.

If it's a comedy, then make it a belly buster.

If it's a drama, have them reaching for a box of tissues.

THE BIG IDEA

I hope you'll check out my monthly column at MovieBytes. I'm having a lot of fun with it.

Otherwise, writing wise, it's been a good month. I came up with my own big idea and basically have been mulling it over until I actually sit down and begin writing it. I see the characters, hear their voices, and scenes are unfolding in my head. I asked some pro reader pals if they've ever read a script with a similar concept, and so far the answer has been no. Now that doesn't mean that someone, somewhere isn't writing it...but I can't worry about that.

It's also the summer of Reality TV. Love HELL'S KITCHEN, SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE and PROJECT RUNWAY. ROCK STAR SUPERNOVA leaves me cold.

Updates

Sorry I've been so remiss in positing, but I've been super busy with the family, rewrites, the usual nonsense.

I understand A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS is going to have an "official" premiere at a film festival here on Long Island, the point of which I am not too sure...I have been told that it's to get "audience feedback" but have also been advised that from the feedback they've already received, it looks like it's going straight to TV or cable (I could have told them that months ago). Unlike MY HORRIBLE YEAR, I have no emotional or sentimental attachment to this one, as I greatly suspect the finished product will bear little resemblance to my original draft. C'est la vie.

Right now, instead of diving into a new project, I'm going back and taking a second whack at other scripts which are finished (but need more work) and/or ones that I left at various stages. Capricorns are not supposed to start new projects until after July 28, so I am trying very very hard to heed, though it is difficult, as I dream up new ideas all the time.

But it's great to go back to a script that I worked on months before and realize that hey, it wasn't a pile of crapola after all!!


UPDATE: The premiere came and went. I was told the movie was choppy and rushed, and they are now planning to sell to cable. No big surprise there.

CLASS OF 2006

CONGRATUALTIONS STEPHANIE CHARLOTTE MCILVAINE
LONGWOOD HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE OF 2006
TOP TEN PERCENT OF HER CLASS

LOVE AND BEST WISHES FROM YOUR FAMILY, JIMBOPARTY AND THE CATOOS

I Never Knew My Marriage Was Under Attack

Boy, I must be living under a rock. My hubby and I had no idea that our marriage was under attack. As I write this, a band of right wing nutjobs brandishing axes and broomsticks are outside our front door, demanding to be let into our bedroom.

What did we do wrong? So far as I can tell, our only crime was in believing that people have the right to live the way they want, free of big government (aka Federal Marriage Amendment) barging into their bed.

I mean, I can't remember the last time a gay couple thrashed me and Bill for being "straight". As for our kids, we wouldn't care if they were straight, gay or polka dot as long as they were happy.

Actually, I think Bush has done the gay marriage movement a great service. Getting his "seal of approval" on the amendment means you can put a fork in it.

Nine severed heads were found in Iraq today, and all Bush can do is yelp about gay marriage. No wonder Mary Cheney didn't join him in the Rose Garden. A skunk by any other name still smells the same.

Sorry for being so remiss in updating my blog. Stuff happens. Shit happens. Life goes on.

I've had a full plate lately, what with rewrites, new specs, and all the other usual nonsense that goes on, on a daily basis. My youngest daughter is graduating in June so we've been engaged in a systematic revamping of the house, yard and garden. What this basically means is that when it's crummy outside, I stay in and write. When it's beautiful out, I'm seeding, planting, cleaning the pool, etc. We just got the new BBQ together today and barely finished vacuuming the pool before the rain pelted us.

Other than the mundane, I'm just doing my thing. Started a spec called SENIOR PRANK which Stephanie is going to help me with. Actually, she gave me the inspiration in the first place.

Had a great confab with my co-writer on our SNOWBLIND spec. The script is about 90% there. We both agreed that we're at the point where we want to have done with it and get it out. She's a contest and prodco reader, so I feel very confident in her opinion that our work is solid (in comparison to what she reads).

I may have some potentially good (and lucrative) news to report soon regarding one of my "pet projects"....I've been in this place before, so I haven't popped the champagne quite yet. :)

Don't Cha

Don't cha hate it when you're knee deep in rewriting a script and BOOM, another great idea out of the blue hits you. Either you put that idea aside (jotting down notes so you don't forget it) to work on later or you put the rewrite aside and plunge into treacherous waters. God, I hate when that happens! Of course, this is the situation I find myself in, and not for the first time either.

Looks like they're playing musical chairs with the trailer at
www.amerrylittlechristmasthemovie.com

All I know that in the original script, I wrote several "trailer" moments and so far, none of them have been any of the trailers. I wonder if they were even filmed. Sigh.

Am very upset with BRAVO right now. No way should Steven have been canned on TOP CHEF. IMO, the one who should have gotten the boot was Harold for his flavorless salmon and for suggesting using box cake mix. What is this, TOP DUNCAN HINES? Lianne showed what a poor leader she was for going along with it and for allowing substandard food to leave the kitchen. You know damn well what Gordon Ramsay of HELL'S KITCHEN would have done. He would have tossed the food out and closed the kitchen down. The only one who didn't go along with the box cake nonsense was, you guessed it, Steven. Oh, never mind. Mark my words, Steven will go on to an illustrious career while Tiffani slings slop at IHOP. What does BRAVO know?

And why is BLOW OUT so short this season? Already they're touting the season finale! Seems like the show only filmed a handful of episodes. Good thing I have AMERICAN INVENTOR and DEAL OR NO DEAL to fall back on.

Happy Feaster

Because that's all I've been doing, cooking, baking and feasting. Had a full house for the holiday. We basically had three Easter dinners over the course of the weekend: turkey, ham and leg of lamb. Tomorrow, leftovers!

There's a trailer for the CHRISTMAS movie on www.amerrylittlechristmasthemovie.com
Watch it and tell me what you think. I got an earful from my kids.

After an impasse, it looks like my co-writer and I on the AMAZON script are back on track. It took some requests from producers to give us the kick in the pants we needed to solve the dilemma.

Meanwhile, I'm waiting on another co-writer on our SNOWBLIND script, but not to worry, while I wait I've been working on still another stumble through the jungle adventure. And I started a couple of other scripts too. What can I say, I'm a multi-tasker. I don't clean but I can sure whip up a batch of magic brownies.

PJMcIlvaine

I fell for a great April Fool's Day joke. I read at one of the boards that Uwe Boll was going to helm a remake of ROSEMARY'S BABY. I was disgusted, and so was my husband when I told him about it. Turns out it was a hoax.

I got some great notes on my ROMANCING THE WISHBONE spec and have been working on that this weekend. Ideally, I'd love to hear some news regarding my ORACLE spec. It's a feel good rom-com in the vein of MOONSTRUCK and MBFGW. I can only pray that lightning can strike twice.

In the meantime....deal or no deal!

Eureka!

Two of the best words in the English language: THE END. Yes, I finally typed those two words on Saturday afternoon, and I was very happy. Now the hard work comes. I shipped the draft off to my co-writer and am anxiously awaiting to hear from her. In the meantime, I took Sunday off and dove back into writing on Monday. No rest for the weary.

Good thing: The new season of BLOW OUT starts tonight.

Bad thing: No HOUSE due to the reality show I shall not name.

Good thing: I saw A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE over the weekend. I loved it. Viggo has a damn fine ass.

Bad thing: I was disappointed with WALK THE LINE. I thought it was good, not great. The second half falls into a redundant mess.

Good thing: I am now hooked on PRISON BREAK.

Bad thing: 24 is not on every night. How could they leave us hanging like this, with LA under martial law and trying kill David Palmer's brother? For shame!

Good thing: HELL'S KITCHEN is coming back!

Bad thing: The winner of this year's PROJECT RUNWAY. Blecch!

New Christmas News

It's on the IMDB under the title A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS (which I hate, bah humbug).

Post Oscar thoughts:

Clooney should be nominated for every Oscar there is. He is the eptiome of class, charm, old time glamour and intelligence. And he ain't hard on the eyes, either.

What on earth was Dior thinking of what that bow on Charlize's shoulder? I was afraid the thing was going to come alive and chomp on Charlize.

Naomi Watts looked like a bag lady who stumbled in out of the cold.

Morgan Freeman was ubercool with the neckerchief.

What bug crawled up the dress of Diane Ossana, Larry McMurtry's screenwriting partner? What a puss! Hey, you just won an Oscar, be happy!

Will somebody please scuttle the award for Best Song? Yeesh.

The show lacked in star power and glamour. There wasn't one "ooooh" moment in the three hour shebang. You know it must be going bad when the biggest laugh in the house was for a Dick Cheney joke.

Random Thoughts On A Sunny Afternoon

Beautiful day, snow on the way. Arggh!

So the Olympic spectacle is over...I wasn't surprised that Bode Miller was a total wipeout. I think he realized early on that he couldn't live up to the hype, so he decided to take himself out of the game. You'd expect this kind of immature behaviour from a 19 or 20 year old, but at 28, Bode should know better. Well, he has his groupies and his magazine covers to console him.

As for Sasha Cohen, as lovely and graceful as she is, I must disagree with the judges. Someone who falls twice during their long program doesn't deserve a medal.

Now onto other topics, like Dubai Bush. This adminstration (and I use the term loosely), has been on a downward spiral for months. At 34% in the polls and falling, he'll soon be in in Nixon territory. No wonder Republicans are starting to revolt. It's about fucking time!

As for Iraq, I'm of the mind that Rumself should send Cheney over with his quail gun. Talk about The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight! But Iraq isn't in a civil war, oh no. Pay no attention to those corpses in the morgue.

I saw a great movie last night, HOTEL RWANDA. Don Cheadle was magnificent. Intelligent, gripping.

I'm still with my thriller script, but I've moved a major plot point that had me stymied for a day or two. At the end of the day, we may have to jettison some plot machinations...I almost feel like we've packed too much in. I want this to come in at around 110 pages, and I'm on 85, which doesn't leave me much room for all to come. Better to have too much than not.

And yes, I'll have my party pajamas on for the Oscar telecast. I hope David Straithairn wins, but who knows?