Cat in a Christmas Tree

The cats were pretty good at first, but now Mozart has learned that climbing the tree and pawing at the ornaments and bows is more fun than chasing his tail. So far we've lost four ornaments and I shudder to think what we're going to find when we take the damn thing down. And he just doesn't climb the thing, he sits in it and sticks his head out like a monkey. Stephanie says there should be a way of wiring the tree so he gets an electric shock.

After a tumultous two weeks, filming on CHRISTMAS went on hiatus and hopefully the director will pick it up again sometime in January.

In the meantime, I'm busy writing, what else. I'm between and betwixt this script and that, and my co-writer in California is working on a "vomit draft" of our thriller SNOWBLIND. Just before Christmas, I hooked up with a LA manager who wants to bring my rom com ORACLE OF ORCHARD STREET to her contacts. She loved the script and called it a mix of MOONSTRUCK and MBFGW, so I have high hopes that something good will come of it. That was a nice little Christmas present!

Trump to Randall: You Blew It

My dearly beloved PROJECT RUNWAY deserves its own post, so I'll save my thoughts on that for another day as I feel the need to vent about the bizarre finale of THE APPRENTICE last night. I was so upset that this morning I even called The Trump Organization to tell them how disappointed I was.

Up until the last two minutes, I would've been happy with either Randall or Rebecca, although I leaned towards Rebecca. Her street smarts, her ability to think fast, her tenacity, her loyalty, all in my mind, made her the perfect Apprentice.

Randall, for all his celebrated book smarts, showed an appalling lack of common sense. Let's not forget that Randall was the one who put the wrong radio frequency on a poster during one task, and in his final task, had no backup plan in place when the charity softball game was rained out.

Let me also point out that even though the guests at the Yahoo event failed to pony up cash for the Pediatric AIDS Foundation, that wasn't Rebecca's fault. The Yahoo execs were skittish about directly shilling for dollars. But in the end, Yahoo did the right thing and donated $100K to be split equally between the two charities. So a case could be strongly made that due to Rebecca, the Autistic charity got an extra $50K.

However, I was willing to let all that slide...up until Randall showed his true colors in the selfish, embarrassing way he declined to co-share with Rebecca. Even more disheartening was Trump's reaction. He seemed pussy whipped, totally befuddled as he stammered. Worse was the way the audience booed. It was a dismal end to an otherwise fine season.

Was I the only one who thought Randall reeked? I guess not, because at MSNBC, the headline was (to paraphrase) "Randall Proved Himself To Be A Selfish Lout And Asshole." Not the headlines Trump was hoping for.

I was also stunned by the vicious remarks by some of Rebecca's female teammates. Allah was so out of line, even Trump cut her off. Marshawn's critical remarks wasn't surprising, because Rebecca had been the one to step up to the plate when Marshawn declined to give a presentation because she was afraid that if her team lost, she'd be blamed. Trump saw through Marshawn's phony excuse and fired her sorry ass.

Even at the end, with the audience booing, Rebecca maintained her poise and grace while Randall cavorted like a greedy buffoon. Her two words to Trump summed it up nicely: "That's unfortunate."

If I had been Trump, when Randall came out with his lame explanation of why there should only be one Apprentice, I would've stopped the show, admitted that I had made a blunder, stripped Randall of the win and awarded it to Rebecca.

A pox on both Trump and Randall. An entire season down the drain in the last two minutes due to Randall's boorish behavior and Trump's waffling. Good going, guys.

Lil Xmas News

Hubby still working on the press release. He needs an updated list from the director as I know one actress had to be replaced at the last minute due to a death in the family. Haven't heard anything more about how the shoot is going.

On a side note, I was interviewed by a reporter from our paper of record, Newsday (and my employer though I haven't been paid since June, still on disability, and they won't transfer me to an office closer to home), so it appears as if they're going to do a story on it. Let's hope its a positive one!

Christmas Updates

I spoke to John the director last night. He sounded tired, but happy. Yesterday he did a script read with the main cast. So far, the feedback from the rewrite I did over the weekend has been favorable (save for my sexy Santa Elf scene) and everyone thinks I'm "brilliant." (John's words, not mine.). And we got a nice little blast of snow last night, only a couple of inches, and today is cold, bright and sunny---the picture perfect backdrop for the first day of shooting.

My hubby is still working on the press release (when he's done tinkering with it I'll post it) and contacting local media, but the cast includes Carol Alt, Matt McCoy, Austin Pendleton and Hunter Gomez. John is trying to get celebrities to show up for cameos for the big Christmas tree/holiday festival scenes. Keep your fingers crossed!

The Town That Banned Christmas

So...finally the director got the rest of the moolah he needed, and everything so far seems to be a go for Monday. I did a last minute revise last night and am still waiting to hear back about it. I had to beef up one character and add two new ones...and naturally they wanted it ASAP.

Next chapter to follow....

Tryptophan Coma

Okay, T-Day is out of the way, along with the amaretto cheesecake. Great recipe but lousy baking instructions. DO NOT BAKE A CHEESECAKE AT 450 DEGREES FOR AN HOUR. The top will burn. And if the recipe says to invert the cake: DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!

Good News: It looks like THE TOWN THAT BANNED CHRISTMAS is a go. The director secured the last of his financing. Shooting should begin on Monday barring last minute trauma or bounced checks.

Bad News: Still don't have my computer.

Good News: The computer is fixed, hubby was just too lazy to get it.

Bad News: Still no moolah from my disability insurance.

Good News: My claim is still "under review".

Bad News: Still no word on INTO THE AMAZON or RANDOM ACTS.

Good News: Agent said he submitted RA to a prodco who invested in NORTH COUNTRY.

Bad News: NORTH COUNTRY tanked.

Good News: I got my hair cut and blown out. I looked great.

Bad News: I can't blow my hair out like the hairdresser did. I look like a moron.

Good News: Our car is now registered and inspected.

Bad News: We got a ticket for driving the car with an expired registration.

Good News: Bush's approval ratings are blowing out faster than the M&M balloon at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Bad News: Bush is still President.

Happy T-Day!

We're trying an assortment of new recipes this year, so we'll see how this turns out. Every year, when I try to vary the menu, everyone has a favorite that they can't live without.

Nov. 28th is supposed to be the start date of my Christmas movie, but I haven't heard from the director in a few days...

Mercury Retrograde

My computer crashed, my car's been in the shop all week, still didn't get the money owed to me from my employer, still didn't get the cat's flea medicine, still didn't get the money from disability insurance, my-cowriter on INTO THE AMAZON hated my revise, still didn't get my haircut, got my period...

What else can go wrong??????????????????????????????

Don't Cry For Me, Judy Miller

Cos I'm gonna make a pile of dough
Going on all the Fox news shows
So what if I gave the wrong info
It's all in who you know
And I knew Scooter
And I knew Chalabi
That little fatty
So what if I drove the New York Times batty
I did my best
The hell with the rest
Cos I'm gonna make a pile of dough
Remembering what I didn't know
I was a jaibird
Now I'm a snowbird
Looking at the leaves in Aspen falling
While reading "The Apprentice's" bear balling
I got my severance pay
But I won't fade away
Cos I got all those Fox news shows in my lap
To dissemble more faux news crap
So don't cry...for me!!!!!!!!!!! (High quivering falsetto)

Life goes on. So Bush had a bad Tuesday, take two Tylenol and resign. Take Peaches Libby with you while you're at it.

I'm almost (I said almost) feel sorry for Frist. Talk about a doctor who can't keep his scalpel straight.

Isn't anyone embarrassed by Libby's fiction? His book, not his fanciful tale about the leak. Who knew Repubs had such filthy imaginations? He should get together with Lynne Cheney and write a sequel. Number One at Amazon with a condom.

In the meantime, Rove is still under Fitz's microscope, more innocent people are dying in Iraq, and the guy who had his ass stuck to the john seems to have a history of this. Talk about a rough patch.

In my world, things are still the same. Waiting, worrying and working.

BTW, my hubby (a writer/editor of many years) and I are launching a little side biz, writing, proofing and editing manuscripts, scripts, articles, queries, treatments, press releases, letters, techo-crap, you name it. We're cheap and fast and you get four eyes for the price of two. Better than a Happy Meal!

If anyone's interested, give me a toot, I mean, a hoot.

Post Hallo-weenie

If all goes according to plan, my THE TOWN THAT BANNED CHRISTMAS is slated to start filming on November 28th. We're going to need extras (unpaid) for the big Christmas tree scene, so if any of you are on LI and want to be in a movie, any movie, drop me a line and I'll see what I can do.

I am very disappointed in my Halloweenies. We decorated the house, bought bags and bags of treats (good ones, too), and our house got egged anyway. Many kids didn't even say "trick or treat", they just grabbed the candy and ran. The little tots looked befuddled. And they started coming late, too. I figured the toddlers would come early in the afternoon, like last year, before the teenagers and their shaving cream. At one point, it was so dead, I went into the street looking for trick or treaters.

Stephanie says she's so over trick or treating; at 17, she's too old for such juvenile antics. Instead, she paid good money to be scared witless at a haunted house.

Oh, to be young...

Hallo-weenie

I must confess, I used to scare my little ones with the Boogeyman. Once, I even got my kids out of the mall by telling them that Michael Jackson in "Thriller" was going to get them.

I was a poor Mom, but in spite of my shortcomings, my kids turned out all right. Not a drug abuser, serial killer, sociopath, alkie or pregnant one in the bunch.

Where did I go wrong?

What Did Bush Know And When Did He Know It?

Our 27 months of hell
By Joseph C. Wilson IV

JOSEPH C. WILSON IV was acting ambassador in Baghdad when Iraq invaded Kuwait in 1990. He is the author of "The Politics of Truth" (Carroll & Graff, 2004). He was a diplomat for 23 years.

October 29, 2005

AFTER THE two-year smear campaign orchestrated by senior officials in the Bush White House against my wife and me, it is tempting to feel vindicated by Friday's indictment of the vice president's chief of staff, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby.

Between us, Valerie and I have served the United States for nearly 43 years. I was President George H.W. Bush's acting ambassador to Iraq in the run-up to the Persian Gulf War, and I served as ambassador to two African nations for him and President Clinton. Valerie worked undercover for the CIA in several overseas assignments and in areas related to terrorism and weapons of mass destruction.

But on July 14, 2003, our lives were irrevocably changed. That was the day columnist Robert Novak identified Valerie as an operative, divulging a secret that had been known only to me, her parents and her brother.

Valerie told me later that it was like being hit in the stomach. Twenty years of service had gone down the drain. She immediately started jotting down a checklist of things she needed to do to limit the damage to people she knew and to projects she was working on. She wondered how her friends would feel when they learned that what they thought they knew about her was a lie.

It was payback — cheap political payback by the administration for an article I had written contradicting an assertion President Bush made in his 2003 State of the Union address. Payback not just to punish me but to intimidate other critics as well.

Why did I write the article? Because I believe that citizens in a democracy are responsible for what government does and says in their name. I knew that the statement in Bush's speech — that Iraq had attempted to purchase significant quantities of uranium in Africa — was not true. I knew it was false from my own investigative trip to Africa (at the request of the CIA) and from two other similar intelligence reports. And I knew that the White House knew it.

Going public was what was required to make them come clean. The day after I shared my conclusions in a New York Times opinion piece, the White House finally acknowledged that the now-infamous 16 words "did not rise to the level of inclusion in the State of the Union address."

That should have been the end. But instead, the president's men — allegedly including Libby and at least one other (known only as "Official A") — were determined to defame and discredit Valerie and me.

They used eager allies in Congress and the conservative media, beginning with Novak. Perhaps the most egregious of the attacks was New York GOP Rep. Peter King's odious suggestion that Valerie "got what she deserved."

Valerie was an innocent in this whole affair. Although there were suggestions that she was behind the decision to send me to Niger, the CIA told Newsday just a week after the Novak article appeared that "she did not recommend her husband to undertake the Niger assignment." The CIA repeated the same statement to every reporter thereafter.

The grand jury has now concluded that at least one of the president's men committed crimes. We are heartened that our system of justice is working and appreciative of the work done by our fellow citizens who devoted two years of their lives to grand jury duty.

The attacks on Valerie and me were upsetting, disruptive and vicious. They amounted to character assassination. Senior administration officials used the power of the White House to make our lives hell for the last 27 months.

But more important, they did it as part of a clear effort to cover up the lies and disinformation used to justify the invasion of Iraq. That is the ultimate crime.

The war in Iraq has claimed more than 17,000 dead and wounded American soldiers, many times more Iraqi casualties and close to $200 billion.

It has left our international reputation in tatters and our military broken. It has weakened the United States, increased hatred of us and made terrorist attacks against our interests more likely in the future.

It has been, as Gen. William Odom suggested, the greatest strategic blunder in the history of our country.

We anticipate no mea culpa from the president for what his senior aides have done to us. But he owes the nation both an explanation and an apology.

Buh-bye Harriet

So sad to see you go...not.

Poor Harriet was a train wreck from the moment she left the station.

I still maintain that if Bush had nominated Harriet BEFORE Hurricane Katrina, in the intial glow of the John Roberts love fest, she would've slipped through on John Roberts' coat tails.

Oh, what a difference one FEMA disaster can make.

Bush is not just a lame duck, his goose is cooked. And by the rightwing lug nuts of his own party, the moonbats that he says don't represent the Republican party.

What does this say for moderate Republicans? Fuggetaboutit. If dopes like Dobson "who supported Miers before they didn't support her" can't get their bulldogs to stand down, what does portend for the moderate wing?

Just last week, the meme was that Senate Repubs had to support Miers lest it weaken Bush's presidency. What's the memo now, that by withdrawing her Bush is flexing his muscle?

What's all the more amazing to me is that Bush owes these looney tunes nothing. He'll never run for office again. But he's so weak that he can't even get the crony of his choice on the Supreme Court. Never mind that she was patently unqualified. Didn't matter to Bush. He saw into her "heart", remember?

And getting rid of her now, on the eve of Fitzmas. Bush couldn't even take the chance of her being humiliated on national TV during her confirmation hearings.

I suspect that poor Harriet crammed until her head hurt, and it was only during her "mock" hearings that somebody at the White House realized just how badly she would do.

Harriet, we hardly knew ye.....

Musings on a Rainy Saturday Afternoon

So much for Indian Summer. It's become an Indian Flood. We sure didn't need another weekend of rain. The only thing getting green around here is the grass.

Am in the initial stages of plotting out new specs with two good pals...it also helps when you already have a VP of Development interested.

My family knows that if I were somehow to become stranded on a desert island, I'd want my computer, brownies, potato chips and Edy's Grand Light Ice Cream. Well, we can add S'mores by Nabisco. Those things are so addicting it should be criminal.

Merry Fitzmas

Keeping my head out of the line of fire (trying to, anyway) and paying no heed to all that background noise. I practice the three W's: waiting, worrying, writing.

Daughter #1 has a new job. I know she'll be fabooo.

Daughter #2 is convinced that she has lupus because some of her hair is falling out. Even her dermatologist is befuddled.

Daughter #3 dressed like a cross of Madonna and Cyndi Lauper today for Senior Something Day.

I wish we had another little one running around (besides cats).

Dear Mainstream Media

Dear Mainstream Media. . . (from Daily Kos)

Yes, this video-conference was fake. Please consider this in the context of the following:


The WMD justification for the Iraq War was fake.

The claim that Iraq had ties to 9/11 was fake.

The Thanksgiving turkey to the troops was fake.

The photo-op on the U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln was fake.

The Jessica Lynch story was fake.

The Pat Tillman story was fake.

The "compassionate conservative" claim was fake.

The "restoring honor and dignity to the White House" claim was fake.

The proposed cost of the prescription drug bill was fake.

The "ranch" in Crawford is fake.

Jeff Gannon was fake

The town-hall "meetings" on Social Security were fake.

The town-hall campaign "meetings" of 2004 with "real Americans" asking "real questions" were fake.

The domestic terror warnings of 2004 -- particularly the ones immediately following the nomination of John Kerry -- were fake.

The Swift Boat Veterans for "Truth" were fake.

The Niger uranium documents were fake.

Bush's National Guard "service" in Alabama is fake.

White House propaganda masquerading as "news reports" was fake.

The claim that no one in the White House had anything to do with the outing of Valerie Plame was fake.

The claim that Bush wanted to "get to the bottom" of the Plame matter was fake.


Perhaps you now see a pattern and wish to consider this pattern in your future reporting.

Sincerely,

The Reality-Based Community

Waterlogged

Aside from the torrential rains that have hit the eastern seabord with a vengeance, it's been a slow week.

The first casting call for the CHRISTMAS script went well. Close to four hundred people came to audition, I'm told. I was there for a few hours and gave my input on several promising candidates.

Other than that, been writing, waiting and worrying. What else can you do when it's raining so hard that your inground pool is ready to overflow?

Also nice to see the Bush "Presidency" imploding. Each day brings a new farce. My new mantra now is "how low can Bush go."

Kill Me Now, Why Don't Cha

So I have all these scripts out at various places, and a close pal says to me something to the effect of, hey, it's a three day weekend, chances are your scripts are going to be read over it, aren't you excited?

Uh....not really. I told her it meant I would probably get a slew of passes next week.

And she remonstrated me to think positive: I would get a slew of yes'.

All right. I can do that. And that is slew, not stew.

Update on THE TOWN THAT BANNED CHRISTMAS: John the director/producer is holding an open casting call next week for some of the lead roles, supporting and secondary characters. I have been invited to give my input, so I will dutifully report the outcome here. My main worry is what if nobody shows up? Sheesh.

Random Ramblings On A Thursday Evening

Before The Apprentice (the real one) comes on.

So it looks like Katie Holmes didn't keep her vow to remain a virgin until she was married. Guess Tom had the, uh, right stuff.

Jessica and Nick are splitsville. Are too. Are not. Does anyone give a shit? I wish all the Simpsons would get their sorry asses on an RV and hit the road. We have more important things to worry about, like Karl Rove's indictment.

Hurricane Katrina's Latest Victim

The Bush Chimp made a gross strategic error in waiting to pick his latest Supreme Court chump, er, I mean crony, uh, nominee.

If Georgie had nominated Harriet Miers along with John Roberts (before Hurricane Katrina) she would've stood a much better of sailing thru on Roberts coattails. Yeah, there still would've been acrimony from the right, but Bush back then was in better shape politically.

What a difference a hurricane or two makes.

Now, in the aftermath of the disaster that Hurricane Katrina was, and since Emperor Bush has been shown to have no clothes, he's diminished. Buyer's remorse has set in. If Dubyahoo wasn't a lame drunk (I mean, lame duck) then, he certainly is now.

Consider: the Delay indictments, now the upcoming endgame to Plamegame, more bad news in Iraq, consumer confidence low, the White House Spy, FBI wiretapping the wrong phone number, morale sinking, conservative base up in arms....it's been horrendous for Bush. And I predict it's only going to get worse.

They can't even trot Barbara Bush out to calm the troops.

Meh. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

So Far, So Good

This week has started off on a high note.

THE AMULET is at New Line.

Sent RANDOM ACTS to my agent who is going to send it over to a pal who works for Charlize Theron.

Heard from Chris Ciaffa, the producer on MHY.

Baked a chocolate-almond cake. From scratch.

Started decorating the house for Halloween.

Good start. I'm happy.

Scripts That Made My Daughters Cry

I've wasted most of the day trying to upload two scripts to my blog. I'm not having any luck and my legendary patience is wearing thin.

The first script is my period drama SIXTY ACRES. Heather, my middle daughter, bawled her eyes out because Tyrone, a central character, got beat up. It's a tough sell, and there's no sex. But it was in the top ten at Trigger Street (two versions of it) as well as the Trigger Street Hall of Fame, and it was almost bought by The Hallmark Channel.

The second script, MAIREAD THE WARRIOR WITCH (fantasy epic), left my youngest daughter, Stephanie, in tears because of the ending. Of the scripts I've written, this is her favorite. It's a tough sell, there's no sex, and it's not based on an existing book or graphic novel. I can't even get my agent to read it.

Until I can figure it out (or if anyone cares to help me) zap me and I'll send you either a FD or PDF draft for your misreading pleasure.

Rambling Musings on a Sunday Morning

Does anyone in the world give a shit that Paris Hilton dumped her fiance? Did anyone even give a flying fuck that she was engaged? Why do I get the feeling that this liason between the Paris' was more a PR dream than reality.

They say that Laura caught Bush drinking again. Maybe that explains his "potty moment" at the UN.

Tara Reid, AA is calling.

Crickets On A Go-Kart

Some time back, I was an "unofficial reader" for a big Los Angeles entertainment conglom that shall not be named under penalty of death (Okay, it was Brillstein-Grey).

What this meant was that I regularly received a Fed-Ex package of scripts. I read said scripts, typed up my coverages, and e-mailed them to the executive. And I did this for free.

Why? One, to see how my scripts stacked up against those being marketed by agencies.

Two, the BG exec implied that this was a way for my scripts to be considered by BG.

Third, I was a big dope.

Moron that I was, it was still a great learning experience.

One, it was validation that my work didn't suck duck eggs. I had imagined that Hollywood was awash with great scripts. To a certain extent, that was true. Hollywood was awash with screenplays, all right, and most of them were stupid, silly and sophomoric. However, most of these stinkers came with impressive agency covers. This gave me hope. If these dogs could find representation, so could I.

Some of these clunkers even had A-list actors attached. More suprising, some of these duds were later produced.

Two, I discovered that there is no perfect script. All of the scripts I read, even the decent ones, contained typos, formatting errors, etc. On my scripts I fretted (and still do) if I misplace a period. This led me to believe that either agencies don't expect their clients to proofread their scripts before they send them out (and clearly the agencies didn't proof them either) and that production execs were willing to overlook even the most grimmest of grammatical glitsches as long as the script had Eddie Murphy attached or it contained a glimmer of box office gold.

During my tenure as a volunteer village idiot, I read a handful scripts that were top notch and got a hearty thumbs up from me. Thankfully, someone higher up on the food chain agreed with me and some of them were even produced.

The exec whom I was dealing with raved about my coverages. He told me they were a big hit with the other execs too. It finally seeped through my thick skull that the exec was probably passing my notes off as his own.

After about six months, I gave up reading for BG after I politely asked to be paid and the exec refused. "Against company policy" he claimed. My friends in the industry guffawed at that. PJ, they crowed, you were rooked.

Well...maybe so.

But it made me feel good when I recently learned that a script I had recommended had won a prize at The Toronto Film Festival. Course, the draft I read had been by another writer, and in the produced movie, a major story element had been changed.

Guess I wasn't as stupid as I thought I was.

The Hollywood Trap

My fucking God.

Can somebody please tell me what happned to Lindsay Lohan? I just saw a recent photo of her, and she's unrecognizable from the cute, fresh faced kid she was in THE PARENT TRAP. She looks like a cross of Tara Reid and Paris Hilton, and that's no compliment. Next to Lindsay, Mary Kate has more meat on her bones.

Lindsay is a hometown Long Island girl, so I know all about her family travails, thanks to Newsday (otherswise known in my house as Loseday). And I've heard about Lindsay's antics on and off the set from Defamer and other sites.

I've no doubt that Lindsay, being the sole breadwinner of her family, must be under tremendous pressure. But is anyone in control or even trying to put the brakes on? Let's face it, she hasn't been getting the best career advice. The HERBIE remake didn't do all that well, and her records aren't flying out of the stores either.

Chill out, Lindsay. Splurge on a banana split or two. Take six months off, stay away from the high life, and just be a teenager again.

It's Been A Good Week

Don't you know? I'm in an incredible period of good luck according to my psychic pal Jean (I'm such a good pal she doesn't even know my first name). Yet she informs me that I have 165 days to capitalize on this window of opportunity and that we must join forces to thwart "negative waves". However, to do this, I must buy her book for $9.95....

INTO THE AMAZON is at Kopelson and New Line.

Another producer has strong interest in my horror comedy THE AMULET.

My agent wants to slip RANDOM ACTS to a friend he has at Charlize's prodco. He loved the script, called it a throwback to "Howard Hawks and Frank Capra" (he meant that in a good way).

The director on CHRISTMAS sent me a whiny e-mail today suggesting that we need to make "changes" based on the "popular vote", apparently he's shown the script to some who love it as is, others who want to make it darker, and still others who want to tack on a "fairy tale ending."

I put the kibosh on that nonsense straight away, reminding him that the only reason I gave him the option was because he insisted he loved it just the way it was. I told him I had no problem making minor changes to tighten the story or enhancing it (and had already done so at his suggestion), but that I was done. Finito. Hasta la vista, baybee.

You know what he did?

He thanked me for putting the brakes on. He said he was a people pleaser, and in trying to please all these people, he had forgotten what drew him to my script in the first place.

Maybe we should all say NO more often.

What Does Your Father Do?

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up--fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.

David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father. "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and have sex with him for money, " David replied with a straight face.

The teacher, shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work in their workbooks, and took Little David aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said David, "he works for the Bush administration, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

New News

The producer/director of the Christmas movie called me all excited today. It seems that the prodco he's going to pony up with for it has a contact with Chevy Chase and is going to get the script to him. Chevy would make a great Norbert!

Late Nate

I''m barely functioning this morning. I was up until 5AM this morning, a new idea roiling in my head. Can't speak of it yet...it's just too new, I guess. And untried.

INTO THE AMAZON is at Kopelson Entertainment. Still no word from our Canadian agent on his submit. Damn. Hurricane Rita is getting more action then me. No further updates from the CHRISTMAS producer either.

The Ghost and the Darkness

I'm on a reading binge (which is better than a Cookies n' Cream ice cream binge. Edy's Grand Churned Light. Heaven on Earth).

I just finished reading the softcover copy of Goldman's script.

I'm amazed. Goldman throws all them dern rules under the bus.

There's not one INT. or EXT. in the script.

He uses parantheticals like Twinkerbell sprinkles fairy dust.

There are pages of action with no dialogue.

There are pages of CUT TO's.

There are lines that are totally unfilmmable. "These three will be friends forever."

He bolds. Italicizes. Underlines (don't know how to do that here). CAPITALIZES.

Shit.

It's magnificent.

And it took Goldman more than a dozen years and twists of fate and reversals of fortune and just being in the right place at the right time to get this to the screen. Even if it hadn't been a true story, Goldman makes me believe.

To think, it coulda been Kevin Costner and not Val Kilmer.

Rebuilding Bush's Image

Make no mistake.

Bush's speech of last night was not about repairing New Orleans. It's all about repairing Bush's image/legacy.

Why else to explain the appointment of Bush's Brain, Karl Rove, to head the rebuilding in New Orleans.

Rove is a political operative. He knows about as much as rebuilding a city as Bush does. Which is nothing.

Will the MSM point this out? Is there a Republican in the house who dares challenge the Emperor With No Clothes? Is the public going to fall for Bush's "Shell Game" one again?

Change New Orleans for Iraq and it's the same old game all over again.

"A Depth Charged Week"

Well, depending on which horrorscope I read, I'm going to have a great week career wise or I'm going to break the past, or I still have some heavy waters to wade through. A burden will be lifted. I will have a great responsibility. The Universe is ready to intercede on my behalf. My friends are about to desert me. The planets are aligning in my favor. I shouldn't do anything until the Mercury Retrograde, or is that I should do everything under the Mercury Retrograde.

What's a poor Capricorn supposed to do?

Bushland

This land is Bushland
This land is Bushland
From Texas highways
To New Orleans swampland
This land is Bushland
This land is Bushland
And it wasn't made for you and me

Much Ado

I posted the comments made by former First Lady Barbara Bush at a screenwriting site I belong to (The Writer's Building) and was shocked and dismayed at the reaction it received. Apparently some members complained to the webmaster that it was a political attack meant to create chaos and controversy, rather than mature, reasoned discussion.

So it was summarily removed without any input from me.

Which infuriated me, as the reason initially given for removing the post was because it wasn't "screenwriting related."

When I pointed out that the site contained other posts which were not screenwriting related per se, I was flatly told that it was the webmaster's discretion to remove what he considered to be "inflammatory" posts.

Naturally, this smacked to me of censorship. And I said so. Of course, the point I wanted to make about Barbara Bush and the country club mind set that is running our country got lost in the turbo charged rhetoric.

We impeached a President for getting a blow job from an intern and the right wing masturbated over that for months on end.

Now we have a catastrophe of historical proportions, the President was asleep at the wheel, Cheney was off closing on a two million dollar house, while Condi was buying expensive shoes in NYC when not attending Broadway musicals and watching the US Open from a front row seat.

Where are our priorities, folks? Not to mention our leaders? Half the country voted for Bush because he promised to keep us safe, unlike the other guy.

Four years and hundreds of billions of dollars spent on homeland security, and this is what we have to show for it: a toxic stew and hundreds of dead bodies floating.

Our President was too busy strumming a guitar.

That, and the disaster in Iraq, is Bush's legacy.

Mission accomplished, all right.

On a happier note, I have a new column up at Done Deal, and I started yet another script, SNOWBLIND, a thriller.

THE NEW MARIE ANTOINETTE

Barbara Bush: Things Working Out 'Very Well' for Poor Evacuees from New Orleans By E&P Staff Published: September 05, 2005 7:25 PM ET updated 8:00 PM

NEW YORK-Former First Lady Barbara Bush said Monday that living in the Astrodome in Houston was working out well for many of the 15,000 hurricane victims there because they were underprivileged anyway.

Mrs. Bush made her remarks on the National Public Radio program "Marketplace" after visiting hurricane relief centers in Houston with a delegation that included her husband, former President George H.W. Bush, and former President Bill Clinton.

In a segment at the top of the show on the surge of evacuees to the Texas city, Barbara Bush said: "Almost everyone I’ve talked to says we're going to move to Houston."

Then she added: "What I’m hearing is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this -- this [she chuckles slightly] is working very well for them."

I'm surprised she didn't add "let them eat cake."

Christmas Update

Looks like that project is moving along, the director wants to meet with me next week. On a sour note, my insurance company won't approve my latest disability claim (grrr) and Oxygen passed on my AMAZON script. According to my agent, concept wise it was in their "zone" but the execution was not. Damn! Back to the drawing board with Oxy as the door was left wide open for future submits.

THE TOWN THAT HATED CHRISTMAS

Well, it looks like I may have a deal. A local producer/director read my holiday script, loved it as is, and made me an offer---all within the space of three hours! He wants to shoot it quickly on HD and sell it to a cable network, we'll split the profits 50-50, so there exists the possibility of a nice chunk of change. Or it may just fizzle. We'll see. But it certainly was a boost to my ego to hear someone compliment my script for like FOREVER!!!!

But of course, in the midst of all my usual chaos and upheaval, I came up with a script idea, actually two, and I think one is quite actually good and plan on writing it. When an idea stays in the back of my mind for more than a day and I actually SEE the characters, I know it's a keeper.

A Wing And A Prayer

We've gotten some initial reader (pals and such) reaction on INTO THE AMAZON, our kick ass rom com action adventure, and it's been embarrassingly overwhelmingly positive. A sampling of comments:

GREAT GENRE

LOVED IT

I WAS ONLY GOING TO READ THE FIRST THIRTY PAGES, BUT I ENDED UP READING IT IN ONE SITTING

WHEN IS IT COMING OUT?

A FUN READ, I COULD SEE IT AS A MOVIE

A POPCORN SUMMER FRANCHISE

Let's hope our industry reads are as positive!!!

No News....

Is no news.

Trying to keep calm, rest my tummy (ack), soak up the last rays of summer and think of anything else but the pink elephant in the room wearing a tutu.

To that end, I have started a horror (and not about my current poor financial status). Coming up with a new twist on horror is neigh near impossible, but I've come up with something that seems doable, so I'm gonna keep at it until I run out of steam or type THE END.

Also reading a new book called "The First Time I Got Paid For It" (which my mother said sounded porno). Nah. It's about writers and the first time they got paid for doing what they love. Nice fluff to read when your tummy is gurgling over what is happening (or not happening) with your new spec.

Sending Out A Spec

It's done. Well, just about as done as it can be for the moment. I keep telling myself that a script is just a blueprint. A director will have notes. So will a producer and studio. And actors and actresses, they'll prolly stick their thumbs in the pie too. But that's the way screenwriting is, and if you can't accept that it's a collaborative process, stick to writing poems.

So far we 've gotten several reads from people we trust, and so far the comments have been all positive, overwhelmingly so.

What does that really mean, though?

Nothing.

You can write what you think is the best thing since WAR AND PEACE, and you could end up flat on your face, busted.

The marketplace is what decides.

A good script, no, make that a great script, may not sell for a variety of reasons. There's just no way to tell.

You keep second guessing yourself. Would one more little tweak make the difference between a sale or pass?

That's the place Brett, my co-writer, and I are at right now.

We're reasonably certain that we have no plot or logic holes. We've tried to bulletproof our spec as much as we can to the point I think I could recite all 118 pages of it.

After the flops of this summer, one would think Hollywood would be looking for fresh faces, new voices, new ideas.

Maybe not. I just heard that a remake of BARBERELLA is in the works.

It almost seems that TPTB would rather throw good money into bad remakes. Aside from Jessica Simpson's T&A, what did THE DUKES OF HAZZARD really offer? And it dropped 58% this week.

It's like holding your nose and jumping off a cliff.

No safety net.

No harness.

You're free falling, and have no idea when you'll land. With your head intact.

That's what sending out a spec is like. And we do it over and over and over again.

New Spec, New Hopes

Sorry I've been so remiss in keeping my blog up, but July was busy between my tummy and life and August promises to be more of the same.

I wish I could say my tummy was on the mend, but I have to play it day by day. It seems to have become a routine. I may have a day or two of peace, but then something kicks it back into high gear.

So I'm still home, hoping that time, fiber and Paxil will give me long lasting relief. Paxil, for some odd reason, seems to help with IBS sufferers. My doctor says it has something to do with Serontin but it's Greek to me.

Meanwhile, life goes on even when we don't want it to.

Nina and I are waiting for her agent's reaction to MADAM MOM before we decide how to proceed, Matt and I are still tweaking FIELD TRIP and in a day or so Brett and I hope to have a meshed version of CHASING THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH (still working on the title, sigh).

And this weekend I started a suspense horror thriller, of all things. A tad out of my league, but I figure I'll run with it until I run out of gas. Horror is one of my favorite genres, so if I'm going to do anything in it, I want it to be special like THE EYE, not pedestrian like THE CRAWLING EYE (and to think that movie scared the shitzola out of my brother and I).

I'm really proud of CHASING. I've done several collaborations, and I can honestly say that this has been the best by far. Thus far, Brett has exceeded my expectations (while I probably underwhelmed him). His passion and creativity bowled me over, and I've not had a moment's regret since, even though we lost the dog in the final scene.

Collaboration is like sex. When it's with the right partner, it's heaven on earth, and when it's not.....you can fill in the blank.

New Beginnings

So according to my horrorscope, Saturn is leaving Capricorn, where it has been for the past two years, causing havoc and turmoil for us poor goats. In my case, it's been longer than two years, so I'm truly overdue for some good news.

Between my tummy and fighting a pretty awful cold/grippe/sinus, I've been working on a really cool new script with a terrific writer. It's going so well, almost TOO well, if you get my drift.

Don't want to talk about it too much, but if it's as good as I think it will be, we're talking tentpole, baby, we're talking franchise, hitting all the quadrants, all that good stuff.

Or it may end up as nice little movie on Oxygen.

Think big.
Dream big.

The Dog Days of August

And it's the end of June. Hot, humid, stormy weather. Blech.

Still waiting on responses to requests, which seems to be the story of my life. Working on various projects to keep myself from going crazy.

I'm still adjusting to my meds, but there has been some improvement.

I have become a reality show addict. If it's Tuesday, it must be BLOW OUT.

No News Is Good News

As I try to adjust to the latest round of meds, on the screenwriting front, no news is good news I guess. Got various projects in various stages. Doing a rewrite of MADAM MOM based on the notes I received from some good pals. Sent a pitch off to a contact at Oxygen.

It's only June and it feels like the dog days of August. Very unseasonable heat wave. Beh.

I'M BAAACKKK!!!

Thought you'd get rid of me so easily?

This was the week of computer hell. Last weekend my computer crashed and was knocked off line. I tried every fix I knew of, but nothing worked, so finally, in desperation, I switched my computer with my daughter Heather's. Success!! But I still have to figure out how to fix the other one. What a fucking pain in the ass.

Goodbye, American Idol

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. No more AI for me, not after that debacle last night.

Walking Zombie

The docs put me on a new med which makes me feel as worse as my attacks. It may take up to three weeks for my body to get adapted to it, so I'm basically trying to make it through until I feel better, or at least have more energy. The dizziness hits me about 2 hours after I take the horse pills. Yecch.

But even though I'm low, I managed to pull off a kick ass draft of MADAM MOM. I also give tons of credit to my co-writer, thanks to her initial draft, I couldn't have done it without her. With this script, the key for me was adding a twist to Madam's character. When I got that part down, the comedy just flowed out of me.

On another note, I sure hope Bo beats the Farmbot, but I have a strange feeling that we may have another Ruben-Clay scenario. After those horrible songs they forced Bo to sing last night, I'm of the opinion he maybe better off NOT winning. This way, he can go off and make his "very special" album with Clive Davis, and Carrie can stand in front of the mirror and practice her performing skills.

More MHY

Just learned that Showtime has scheduled more showings of MY HORIBLE YEAR for the month of June.

My mother's house was invaded by a group of guerilla filmmakers yesterday. I made the mistake of telling my director friend Scott, who was lamenting that he needed a house with a big bright living room for his shoot, that my Mom's house fit the bill. It was a loooong day and we're all still recuperating. Sasha, our devil cats, was completely unnerved by all these strangers and clawed my Mom. But everything went well, free donuts and pizza and I even threw in home made brownies and chocolate chip cookies.

On the health front, my Doc put me on new meds, so we'll see how that goes. You know, the side effects sound worse than what you're being treated for.

Did have a computer upset, something crashed my AOL software and took HOURS to unravel, but I got back on line just in time to get another pass on MOTHERHOOD, damn it.

Treading Water

Stephanie has mono, still haven't heard anything about my scripts, still not one hundred percent, and Paula is still on American Idol. But we are getting two kittens, named Mozart and Kisses. Will our wild cat Sasha accept them? Or will she try to mangle them? Stay tuned.

American Idiot

The burning question of the day: did Paula Abdul have an "inappropriate relationship" with 2002 AI contestant Corey Clarke.

Based on the evidence thus far, I must sadly conclude...yes.

But on the other hand, we have a drunk driving, coke sniffing, good ole boy in the Oval Office that we elected not once, but twice.

President-American Idiot

Abdul-Fallen Idiot

America lives to forgive. All Paula need do now is go on Larry King and tearfully confess. The public will lap it up.

The Blackjack Bride

Who gives a shit about the Caliperi shooting, the senseless killing in Iraq, the bumbling Bolton nomination, fumbling Frist, stumbling DeLay, Boosh's Social Insecurity Tour, Laura "Leno" and Gannon/Guckert's overnight stays in the WH?

We's got more important things to worry about, like Constantine and Bo, did Paula really sleep with Corey, Nanny 911, runaway brides from Georgia and fingers found in our fast food.

Tummy Update

Well, it looks like they did find something, not quite sure what yet. Trying to call the gastro guy, but it's been busy.

In the interim, trying to work and keep my mind off my problems, have another column due for Done Deal and trying to set up a collaboration project.

No News Is Good News

I'm still no closer to figuring out why my tummy has been on the bum, the colonoscopy showed zilch, so onto the next test. I never want to drink water again.

On the bright side, I'm still sending out queries hoping to find my champion for HOOD. One bozo passed on it this week with a "enjoyed the read" but not "enthused enough to take on a new client". I shot back (well, I wasn't feeling well that day) with a "how enthused do you have to be" thingie. Guess I can strike that idiot off my Christmas card list.

Here. There. Everywhere. Nowhere.

Well, according to my horroscope, I'm supposed to get a "gift" from the universe this week. I for one hope so. I'm sure as hell tired of the shit I've been getting thus far.

I am working on like ten different projects at the same time. Still haven't had any luck with HOOD as yet but hope springs eternal.

Otherwise, I've been living on Kao and Pepto and hanging on for the colonosocopy next week. Ugh. After weeks of feeling like dog turd, I would like to get to the bottom of this (sorry, pun intended). Whatever is, I just want to know what it is, get it resolved and return to my usual happy, creative, peppy self.

More More More Showtime Showings Of My Movie!

UPCOMING AIRDATES:
All times ET/PT.

my horrible year

Showtime Family Zone
May 5
8:25 AM

Showtime Family Zone
May 5
7:00 PM

Showtime Family Zone
May 9
6:40 AM

Showtime Family Zone
May 9
2:25 PM

Showtime Family Zone
May 14
8:45 PM

The Terry Go Round Continues

At least Terri Schiavo is in a better place, but the fallout continues. It's Terri TV all the time for CNN and all the other cable news channels. Funny how Hannity and Co. only got on board the Terri Train only when the right to lifers at any cost (the hell with quality of life) blew it up into such a media circus.

I have no doubt that DeLay and Friends thought that having Bush Lite rush back to the White House in the middle of the night to sign their idiotic bill (what, no fax machines in Crawford) would be universally hailed. Instead, imagine their shock and surprise when it was universally reviled. Thank God that an overwhelming majority of the public saw the DeLay Show for the pandering circus it was, and this was even before news got out that Tom Thumb pulled the plug on his father.

But as Jeff Greenfield from CNN keeps saying, people are now having a "conversation" regarding their own wishes in their regard, and to have it in writing. However, that wouldn't have helped Terri Schiavo, as according to court documents, the Schindlers would have disregarded a living will if Terri had left one instructing that she not be kept "alive" in such a manner.

I also wish some talking head would point out that it's only been a relatively recent development that Terri's blood relatives disputed that she was in a PVS state (this according to Jay Wolfson, Terri's former GAL). They had no problem accepting this poor diagnosis...until they realized it hurt their cause.

What a week. The Pope is also in grave condition, Prince Ranier's organs are shutting down, and chicken king Frank Perdue died after a brief illness. Too many undercooked chicken breasts?

As for me, I'm dragging my sorry ass around (literally) as my tummy is still roiling. The gastro guy says it might be some kind of infection (from that awful flu I had) or maybe some kind of parasite. In the meantime, all I know is, I'm miserable. As I told the doc, give me Pepto, Kaopectate or Johnnie Walker Red, give me something, anything, as I want my life back.

In screenwriting news, I've got a new column coming out on Done Deal, got a few more nibbles here and there, and a pass on HOOD (the SOB).

What Next?

My tummy still on the bum, and I get a nasty reaction from the meds my doctor gave me (he said I was "exquistely sensitive"). Then the muffler almost falls off the car, I discover that an authorized payment thru my checking account didn't go through because they had the wrong account number, and top things off, just learned that Oxygen passed on my romantic comedy. They loved the premise, but they already have a movie with a very similar premise in pre-production.

Shoot me now, why don't you?

My mother had a bad night and could barely function this morning. She tried to cheer me up by reminding me that some people have it a lot worse. I shot back, yeah, I could be Terri Schiavo.

Speaking of which, the Florida Carnivale continues. Since I've been home, we've been watching the hoopla on the cable networks. Once again the talking heads are out in full force. They must have every neurologist in the country on speed dial. And don't those protestors holding vigil have anything better to do with their lives?

THE SCHIAVO DEBACLE

I have instructed both my husband and my mother that if someday my cerebral cortex should turn to Orange Crush with no possible hope of recovery, or if I'm incapacitated by illness or injury to such an extreme, they are forbidden to take extraordinary measures to prolong my sorry existence. No feeding tube, no life support, no ventilator. Just let me go.

I have no wish or desire to be a poster girl in diapers. I don't want Tom Delay or Terry Randall or Bill Frist to be anywhere near my hospital room. I don't want to be the subject of a CNN Poll, a Fox Breaking News Alert or debated by Congress or the Senate. I want to die with dignity.

My beloved grandparents suffered for over a year, both comatose, before they finally passed within two weeks of each other. If it had been within my power to end their suffering sooner, I would have gladly pulled the plug myself.

My family feels as strongly as I do that the government has no cause to meddle in this sad, tragic affair, other than for trite political pandering by a pest exterminator.

Mikey, my big brother, blew his brains out in the spring of 2002. I grieve for him every day of my life. But if by some mischance the bullet had left him otherwise breathing but brain dead, I would have taken on God and Satan with both hands tied behind my back to let my Mikey go.

La Vida Loca

Going to the doctor on Saturday as I make my way through a flare up of a very old problem. I can go for weeks or months without an episode, but for the past couple of weeks (and worse since I had that awful flu) I'm in a vicious cycle. It really doesn't make sense to go back to the old doctor since we moved, so hopefully this doctor will be good. The nurse assured me that I would like him, is there a money back guarantee if I don't?

But the day wasn't a complete waste, work wise. I'm collaborating on a new spec which we call HAPPILY NEVER AFTER, a twisted romantic comedy about what happens to our favorite fairy tale folk when the honeymoon fades.

Yesterday I finally got a response from a manager on my HOOD, he passed with the universal "wasn't for him". God, I hate that. I wish they'd say it sucked or something concrete. But then today I got two requests for it, so that lifted my spirits. I know my pitch is good, now if I can just get someone to bite.

A big shout out to my pals Cheryl and Nick on the success of their CBS show, NUMB3RS. Cheryl and Nick have been stalwarts of the Friday night AOL screenwriters chat for years. Just write in a part for Ted Levine already!

SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY

I dyed my hair a new color today: Chocolate Caramel. I got myself soaked but it beats dumping $100 at the hair salon. It got up a thumbs up from the family, so it can't be too bad.

Last night my husband, who's contemplating writing a high brow medieval literary horror script, rented THE SEVENTH SEAL from the library. Boy, talk about a laugh fest. I fell asleep halfway through. So much for my edjumacation.

BUT before Ingmar came on, I watched the premiere of DEADWOOD. I kind of lost interest in it last season after Wild Bill was killed, but seeing Ian McShane win a Golden Globe piqued my interest again. Ian is wonderful in it, but man, the scursing. Did they really curse like that? Bill cringed throughout.

At least today it didn't snow, yay! But cold. Really cold. I used to love the winter but now it's dragging on too long.

I am almost done with the polish on ORACLE so I can return to MADAM MOM. I may have found a collaborater for my action/romance/caper project. I also learned this week that the prodco who's taking my rom com to Oxygen also wants to take it to Lifetime. And I got two more requests for MOTHERHOOD.

Enough of Winter

We got blasted with a flash snowstorm yesterday which made commuting treacherous. I was prepared to spend the night at my job since the roads were impassable. I only managed to get my sorry butt home thanks to a coworker who was also trapped and didn't live to far from me.
I'm sick of winter and can't wait for warmer weather. Enough!

Other than that, nothing new to report. My column at Done Deal seems to have hit a chord. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. I've even gotten some fan mail and column suggestions.

I'm working on the final polish of ORACLE after getting some insightful crits, and then it's back to MOM.

I Am Distraught, I Tell You, Distraught!

I can't eat or sleep. Why did Denise Richards, six months pregnant with their second child, give Charlie Sheen the boot? They're not even going for a separation, it's straight to Divorce Court. Look, it's not as if Denise didn't know what she was getting into, but still. Stephanie says she heard on the radio that Denise caught Charlie in the act, but I haven't had that confirmed. I guess we'll have to wait for the National Enquirer to give us the dirt.

The Lost Week

Here I am, still in my bathrobe, still coughing and sneezing. I made an ill advised attempt to drive myself into work yesterday which ended up in my returning home, sicker than when I left. I guess that's what you get for being such a dedicated employee. At this point, I've decided to write the week off, rest and regroup and hopefully Monday I'll be in semi-normal once more.

On the writing front, I'm going to be writing a monthly column on screenwriting for a very popular screenwriting website. It's called TWO BRADS OR THREE at
http://www.scriptsales.com/Columns/TwoBrads1.html

Take a look and tell me what you think.

Nyquil, Anyone?

Well, it finally got me. I held out as long as I could, but in the end, it got me.

Since December, my home and workplace has resembled General Hospital. First, Stephanie and Heather were felled by an awful stomach flu, then Adrienne got it the same night Heather was rushed to the hospital with acute appendicitis. Then Adrienne got this sinus infection that won't quit.

At work it was no better, a breeding ground for germs and bacteria. The flu, stomach virus, gripped, cold, kidney stones, you name it. Everyone around me was hacking, coughing, braying, barely breathing, but still coming to work to spread their infections. While everyone was crumbling around me, I managed to stay strong.

Then Tim (Heather's live-in boyfriend), got a nasty, monster cold, which he soon passed on to Heather. Heather gave it to my mother, who then, generously, shared the wealth with me, and for the past three days I've been a walking zombie.

I tried to doll myself up for the Oscars, I really did, as I didn't want to disappoint my legion of fans, but I just couldn't put on enough make-up to mask my ghastly pallor. So I sent Hilary Swank in my stead.

While I coughed, sneezed and wheezed, I managed to stay up until the bitter end. While Chris Rock got in a few zingers, I thought the show was dull and plodding. Beyonce was beyond awful. She mangled the French song so badly that the French are now demanding the return of the Statue of Liberty. I was overjoyed that the Spanish song won, even though Antonio looked like a wet oil rag. And just what in the hell has Melanie Griffith done to herself?

I wanted Glamour, and all I got was Scarlet, a cadaver in black. Where were all the old time stars? Elizabeth Taylor, Lauren Bacall, Paul Newman, Jack Nicholson? Maybe they were home in bed, reaching for the Kleenex.

Thank God Charlize changed her hairdo/color. She must have gotten a look at herself from the Golden Globes.

Does Star Jones have it written into her contract that she can only be shown from one profile? I swear, every time she greeted a "star", she made sure never to change her position. Who does she think she is, Barrymore? And boy, was I impressed by how she got in a plug for her Payless sandals.

In other developments, I guess no news is good news. I'm plugging away on my new spec MADAM MOM, and still biting my fingernails over THERE GOES THE MOTHERHOOD.

Say, Hilary, now that we're such great pals, boy, do I have a role for you...

Full House

So we survived the weekend, only to have snowstorm blanket the area on Monday (a nuisance more than anything else). A good time was had by all if one judges by the amount of chocolate chip cookies I made.

Tim and Nick and Adrienne and Heather went out to a local club that was hosting a "circus night" (this place also boasts a mechanical bull), and they got free drinks for an hour. Also, Stephanie got her belly button pierced, and my Mother announced that she's going to get a tattoo when she has some extra money. It could be worse, at least she doesn't want her tongue pierced.

TGIF

It's been a looooong week. But it's sunny out (albeit) cold, and tomorrow Adrienne and Nick are coming for the weekend. YAY! So we'll have a full house. And Monday is Stephanie's birthday, so this means that I have to take her to the local tattoo parlor and get her belly button pierced (this was a compromise. Better than a tongue ring or an eyebrow piercing).

Work wise, I finished my polish of THE ORACLE OF ORCHARD STREET, but before I send it off into the cruel world, I'm waiting for feedback from my trusted inner circle.

Still no word on THERE GOES THE MOTHERHOOD....has it fallen into some Hollywood black hole? Maybe the script isn't as good as I thought it was.

Whew!

Been as busy as a three armed bandit. Got the pitch agreement from the production company and now they want a logline and synopsis for the romantic comedy, which meant that I had to go back and re-read the script to refresh my memory. God, it does have some really funny lines which I'd forgotten about.

"If you showed any more cleaveage, you'd have to carry your boobs on a silver platter."

"Being handcuffed makes me famished."

"I choked on a hot dog at Yankee Stadium."

"This is a wedding, not a Memorial Day parade."

In other news, I sent MOTHERHOOD off on a wing and a prayer and once I get the synop done, want to get back to refreshing my other rom com THE ORACLE OF ORCHARD STREET. Today I also thought of another killer high concept comedy (three in fact) but I ain't gonna tell ya cos as Larry Brody of TV Writer.com warns, "there are thieves among us."

I'm overjoyed that Bush's Faith Based Magical Mystery Social Insecurity Tour is going down in flames and that his approval ratings are slip sliding away, down, down, down.

Heather dyed her hair caramel brown (looks good, it brings out the blue in her baby blues). As my own Valentine's Day present to myself, I went to the hair salon and got a new do (my mother doesn't like it, she wants it short and I want it long) and I made brownies. I'm just a regular Wonder Woman.

And Adrienne, if you read this, meow meow.

Some Good News For A Change

On the career front, a prodco wants to pitch my romantic comedy FRENCH TWIST to the Oxygen network (Oprah). I also have another rom-com, THE ORACLE OF ORCHARD STREET, that they've agreed to read.

And my e-mail campaign (thanks Steve) has garnered several nibbles on THERE GOES THE MOTHERHOOD. Course, there were some fools who failed to recognize my brilliance and didn't bother to reply at all. Shame on them!

Heather has an interview for a "Beauty Advisor" at Macy's tomorrow. Since she spends a small fortune on cosmetics, this should be interesting.

There is also what I hope will turn out be a vile and vicious rumour going around that my beloved Austin gets the boot from Project Runway this week (gnashing of teeth, pulling of hair).

Super Nothing

Hated the pre-pre-pre-game festivies (Kelly Clarkson sucked, John Fogery rocked), and I REALLY dislike how the NFL turns the game into a crass, flag waving super show.

I'm rooting for the Patriots due to Adrienne being in Boston, but they haven't played very well. Neither has the Eagles.

In other news, Heather is leaning towards taking a leave of absence (which is prolly not a bad idea since she's so undecided on what she wants to do), and I made great strides on my new spec AND I shot off two killer script ideas to Robert Kosberg, the self-proclaimed King of Pitches. Let's see if he bites.

My Life Is A Reality Show

Daughter #2 (Heather) finally has the money to buy her college textbooks but now she's not sure if she wants to go or take a leave for the semester. This is her third college and she changes her major like underwear. I know one day she'll figure it out, but by then my mind will be a drooling mess.

I'm working on several scripts right now but am going to put pedal to the metal on my WEDDING script since the logline garnered a legit bite this week. I always do that, open my big fat yap before the script is finished (I'm on page 64).

We Love Austin on Project Runway

Stephanie and I are hooked on Project Runway on Bravo. We love Austin, he's the cutest thing in an ascot we've ever seen. He should win every week (we're not counting that horrid wedding dress fiasco).

Heidi Klum is certainly a beautiful woman, but personality wise, she comes off as dull as clay (maybe that's why she's a great model).

We knew early on that Austin, Jay and Kari were going to be the designers to beat. However it turns out, they're going to have wonderful careers.

However, Wendy should have gotten the boot last night, not Robert!!

American Idol Beats American Idiot!

Between the idiot and the idol, the idiot lost. More people watched Simon Cowell than The Chimp. As one co-worker commented today, "Just WHO exactly voted for Bush in November?" Seems like a long time ago.......

Grow Some Backbone, Will Ya?

This has been a rotten day. My daughter's car didn't pass inspection, I don't have the money to buy her college textbooks (she's already missed the first two weeks because she had minor surgery) and if I don't have the money for her books then I certainly don't have the money to get her car up to speed AND on top of all this crapola, my agent is too busy with his other clients to give me the time of day AND it appears that Torture Boy is on his way to confirmation as Attorney General.

When will Democrats stop pussy footing around and realize that if they don't develop some SPINE they're doomed to be a minority party for quite awhile? Any Democrat that votes for Gitmo Guy should be fed to the gators.

Showtime is Showing My Movie Again!

Showtime Showcase
Mar 4
6:35 AM

Showtime Showcase
Mar 8
2:05 PM

Showtime Showcase
Mar 8
4:30 AM

Showtime Showcase
Mar 12
9:35 AM

Showtime Showcase
Mar 20
1:15 PM

All times ET/PT

MY HORRIBLE YEAR

"Nik Faulkner (Allison Mack) is a suburban teen having the worst year of her life. Her braces are about to come off, she's got an embarrassing crush on a classmate who doesn't seem to reciprocate her feelings, and she's afraid that she'll soon get the news that her parents (Karen Allen and Brian Heighton) will be divorcing. Only her love of pro wrestler Bret "The Hitman" Hart is keeping Nik from losing it in this charming family drama costarring Eric Stoltz, Mimi Rogers, Caterina Scorsone and Daniel Petronijevic."

And would you believe that the Chimp makes a cameo appearance? I kid you not!!!

B.B.

In the year 2000 B.B. (Before Bush), I had real, tangible proof that after years of hard work, my hopes and dreams were coming true.

My movie was in production, we had just moved into our dream house, and my husband was making good money doing he job he loved with all his heart.

I was working part time and devoting all my energy to my writing, from scripts to my political rantings on sites like Buzz Flash under the nom de plume of The Lone Wolf.

Then the Chimp was selected as the Commander N' Thief and everything went to hell in a handbasket. My husband got a bonus in December and the boot in May when the stock market tanked, and things got even worse after 9/11. In short order we went from just making it middle class to working poor.

It's all going in the script!

Mamas Don't Let Your Kids Grow Up To Be Screenwriters

Rejection goes hand in hand with writing, and especially so if you're a screenwriter. See, us screenwriters put up with a lot of crap that other writers wouldn't. Could you imagine Stephen King or John Grisham turning a novel in to their publisher only to have it torn apart by producers, agents, managers, development execs, publicity flacks and various other sundry and nefarious know it alls? Stephen, not enough product placment! Hey John, where's the character arc, and oh, by the way, change the ending, it's too much of a downer.

Screenwriters must love being in hell because we spend so much time there.

Mama's A Blogger!

Yep, Mom's good for doing other things besides baking chocolate chip cookies.

Chestnuts Roasting By An Open Fire

Or something like that. A great place for creative minds to meet in a nurturing, supportive atmosphere. It would be nice if you could write, too.

Say No To Gonzales

No. No. No.

Now doesn't that feel good?

In my spare time I go to sites like Eschaton, Talking Points and Daily Kos and ferment rebellion and resurrection against all things Bush.

Hey Hey We're The Monkees

In my alternative universe, cable would be free, I'd be a millionaire and living la vida loca in LA. But until that happens, I'm poor and living on blind faith in LI that one day I'm going to make it big as a screenwriter. With one movie under my belt (MY HORRIBLE YEAR, starring Eric Stoltz, Mimi Rogers, Karen Allen and Alison Mack. It got good reviews and was even nominated for a 2002 Daytime Emmy).

So until the day Steven Spielberg calls and makes me an offer I can't refuse, I'm writing and slaving away at my day job.